Monday, December 23, 2013

I'm not a materialistic woman - never have been.  It's always been the little things that brought me happiness... priceless to me.

At one time my life was boring and I liked it that way.  I had everything I needed to make me happy - a wonderful family, a home filled with love and laughter, a faithful loving husband and father even a family dog.  All American. 

Then began the changes... Mason (our oldest) graduated high school, started college and began his own way in the world as every child does.  Payton (my Doberman) had to be euthanized.  Chance (our youngest) would be starting his senior year of high school.  We added a new puppy (another Doberman) to our family.  Mason announced that he was becoming a father.

Things were changing but that's life. 

July 4, 2012 we celebrated, as we always did, with family and friends. 

July 5, 2012 that sweet, faithful husband of mine told me he was leaving me.  No warning.  No reason.  No second chance. 

Since that day, Chance and I have been through so much.  It has brought us closer and taught us the most important people in your life are those who stick around when the shit hits the fan.  We each faced our "stuff" in our own way - uncertainty, fear, hurt, anger, depression.

Garett turned into someone I never knew.  Who is the real Garett?  My sweet, kind, loving husband or this cold, cruel, selfish, indifferent man that wears my husband's face?

I don't know.  But I'm not asking anymore.  That man from the past no longer exists (at least toward me and our boys).  I forgive him.  I forgive her.  I wish them no harm... although I do NOT want them to win the lottery either.

I wish for the boys and I what I always have... peace, love and happiness... all to be found in the little things.

I'm looking forward to 2014.  No more tears.  No more anger.  No more hurt.  I will now focus on ME.  Loving me and treating myself a whole lot better.  It's not a resolution but a realization... I deserve better - no one can give me the peace, love and happiness missing from my life.  I have to create it for myself.

Getting my ass out of bed, wiping away the tears and becoming the woman I want to be.  The slate is wiped clean and it is my turn to focus on me and fix ..
  • Mind
  • Body
  • Soul
  • Home
  • New Job (w/the bells and whistles)
Ok, so I didn't ask for this.  I may never get over the hurt, lies, betrayal.  But I am so done being sad, depressed, misrable, pathetic.  No one can change my life but me!  

Here's to a new beginning!  Here I go!