Yeah, me. Fake and phony putting on a smile, laughing, joking, being silly. All a fucking lie!
"Wow, Mona, you are doing so well! I knew you would pull through this."
NO! I haven't! I want to scream it. I want to hit someone. I want this to be done!
I know people who have lived alone for years and like it just fine. I don't want that. I don't want to be alone. I want a partner to share my life. I want real. Real love. Real laughter. Real commitment. I want someone to hold as I drift off to dream land.
Instead nothing but lies. Was any of it real?
The loneliness is killing pieces of my soul every day. I stayed at work until 6pm (only paid til 3:30) not only because I had tons to do but mostly because I don't want bedtime to come. No one to share my day, hold, comfort...just a cold, empty bed and memories of lies.
It all happens for a reason right? I used to believe that. Now the only thing that fills my mind are questions that won't get answered.
Then the question I can't even answer for myself....Why am I here?