Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Fake and Phony.... Me?

Yeah, me.  Fake and phony putting on a smile, laughing, joking, being silly.  All a fucking lie!

"Wow, Mona, you are doing so well!  I knew you would pull through this."

NO!  I haven't!  I want to scream it.  I want to hit someone.  I want this to be done!

I know people who have lived alone for years and like it just fine.  I don't want that. I don't want to be alone.  I want a partner to share my life.  I want real.  Real love.  Real  laughter.  Real commitment.  I want someone to hold as I drift off to dream land.

Instead nothing but lies.  Was any of it real?

The loneliness is killing pieces of my soul every day.  I stayed at work until 6pm (only paid til 3:30) not only because I had tons to do but mostly because I don't want bedtime to come.  No one to share my day, hold, comfort...just a cold, empty bed and memories of lies.

It all happens for a reason right?  I used to believe that.  Now the only thing that fills my mind are questions that won't get answered. 

Then the question I can't even answer for myself....Why am I here? 


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