Friday, February 1, 2013

Another Holiday

People kept telling me, "Just wait until the holidays are over.  Everything will get better."

I would think, "The holidays don't matter!  I will still be alone long after all the lights and pretty ornaments have been taken down and put away".

Since then, our family's birthdays have come and gone. The holiday hustle - over.  New Year's Eve kisses.... didn't happen.  .... And I survived!  It wasn't easy.  It wasn't pretty.  I cried A LOT.  Suicide even sneaked into my thoughts. (I'll get deep on that another day)... but I'm still here.

Time moved on and the world didn't stop just because my tiny piece of it is in crumbs in the garbage.  I'm just trying my best here, putting one foot in front of the other and "moving on".  Whatever THAT means.

Today was another busy day...long, exhausting.  Then it hit me...I'm actually feeling better then I have felt in months. I feel lifted, surrounded by light and love.  I'm going to be OK.  I truly believe it now.  I can finally FEEL it in my heart.

I will be that woman I want to be.  I will be strong

I just gotta get through one more holiday.

2 Friends Commented:

thisisme said...

So pleased to read this post today Mona, and to see that you are gradually feeling a little brighter. There really is light at the end of that tunnel. Onwards & upwards!!

~ Mona said...

Thank you so much. Each day is a struggle. I have to fight the darkness and focus on the light.