The Worst Part

The part that hurts the worst is that he doesn't even have contact with our boys.  He acts as if the past 22 years never happened.  As if we no longer matter.  As if he doesn't even know me.  As if I’M the other woman, some crazy stalker.

The day after he left, he started providing for a piece of trash and her 12 year old daughter, moving them in from out of state.  Has not given one dime to me or our son (still living at home) until ordered by the court to do so...and that took fucking forever.

I want answers from him.  Why did he did he lie for SO long?  How could he just walk out?  How could he do this to our family?  Why doesn't he answer calls or texts from the boys?  Why didn't he give me the chance to make him happy and save our family? Was it all a lie?  Was any of it real?

I want answers from myself.  How could I have been fooled for so long?  How could I not see the lies?  Was he ever the man I thought he was?  How could I have been so wrong, so gullible?  Will I ever be able to trust my instincts again?  Why did I trust him to take care of me? 

He should have given me a heads up.  He took care of everything.  I didn't even know who our satellite provider was.  I feel so stupid.  I gave up my independence.  Giving my all to him.

Now I'm left with nothing.  Feeling stupid, insecure, lonely. Embarrassed to say, I've had to learn how to take care of myself... and still learning.