I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m so sad, lonely, completely overwhelmed. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here.
is so draining…endless paperwork for this, that; moving (twice – an update
later). Hurt, betrayed, abandoned. He has stopped
paying for mortgage, car, utilities, even the garbage.
have had to study car maintenance…what needs to be done, when and
about how much it should cost (so I’m not screwed over). Hauling out the garbage in the cold windy rain at
night. Now I have a fucking mouse –
REALLY!!! Had to buy a trap and set up…
wanting to catch it… dreading having to get rid of it.
HATE THIS!!! I’m so tired. I’m so lonely.
I miss having a man in my life. I
miss being in arms and feeling safe, warm.
I miss telling someone I love them… I miss being loved.
is still MY husband yet he’s living with another woman and her child. As if we never existed. As if the last 22 years never happened.
owed me a second chance to make him happy.
We made promises before God, our family, and friends.
knew he was unhappy with his job. He was
upset with our lack of money. (It never
bothered me because I had my family) He
NEVER told me he was unhappy with me or our marriage.
took care of me. I let him do it. Then he left and I had no idea about any of
our finances. I knew NOTHING… year of my
car, utility companies. I didn’t even
know how much money I made.
Pathetic. Yes, I know. It is what it is. I can’t turn back the clock.
Before all this I was a happy, optimistic woman.
I lifted up the spirits of others.
I was full of laughter. (mostly
inappropriate humor) My boys and Garett
were all I needed.
it’s all fake and phony. I get out of
bed because I HAVE to – Chance is counting on me to provide for him. I laugh.
I smile. It’s all FAKE.
matter what happens throughout my day…. It doesn’t matter, because it all ends
the same. At night when I lay my head on
my pillow, I’m ALONE. No one holding
me. No one to talk to, laugh with, love,
before falling asleep.
told me that our home was “hopeless”.
That’s exactly how I feel.
hope that tomorrow will be any different.