Saturday, November 3, 2012

Dear Garett

*** Written in the beginning of September ***
Garett,

I’ve loved you for so long I don’t know how to be me without you.  I always thought we’d be
together forever but you broke your vows to me.  I would have still stayed and worked through anything but your lies are killing me.

I accept it now.  You don’t want me.  You don’t want our marriage, our home, our family.  You don’t want to make anymore memories with me.  Your done.

I’m done too.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of begging.  I promised you ANYTHING and EVERYTHING:  I’ll get the lap-band and lose weight, I’ll wear my hair long or cut it short, sell the house, buy new, wherever you want (Tennessee, whatever, wherever) .  I’d get on a plane for you (I’ve never been and too afraid to ever do).  Hell, I’d jump OUT of a plane for you. 

Last night was it for me.

I couldn’t sleep.  All I could do is imagine you in bed with her.

How could you do that to me?

I could have forgiven you for the past year of lies and cheating.  I would have done it to be with you.  But you went back AGAIN.  I’ve got to draw the line somewhere.  I’ve got to have respect for myself.

I’m your wife.  I deserve better than this.  I deserved to know when your feelings started to change.  I deserved a chance to make it better.  I deserved a heads up to get my own shit together.

You left me with nothing.  I’ve lost my best friend, my protector, my provider.  I’m so lost without you. 

You will never know what you’ve done to me.  My whole world has been torn apart.  What I thought was solid was sand.  What I thought would last forever … was a joke to you.

I can’t bring myself to change my “married” Facebook status or take off my ring.

I’ll never understand how you could abandon us, just walk away and not look back.  I thought you were a better man than that.  I thought you were a better father.  I thought a lot of things about you, us, our family.   I only wish you valued us the same.

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