Mason and Mandy went to meet my mom and brother, Jesse, for lunch. Neither Chance nor I wanted to go. I just couldn’t (still can’t) face people.
I’m just SO embarrassed. I always talked good about him. Told everyone how he was the kindest person I’d ever met. How he was my rock. How I always felt he was too good for me. I guess I was right.
After Mason and Mandy came back, got their things and went home, Chance and I were just …. There. Stunned. Still crying. Missing him.
My emotions are all over the place: Optimistic - I know we can save our marriage, everything will be ok. Hurt – How could he lie to me for over a year! How could I EVER trust him again! How could I ever trust myself again? Anger – I hate him for what he’s doing to me, our kids, our family. I just want to punch him in the face.
I found her on Facebook and sent her a message:
You are breaking up 25 years full of love and laughter. Please leave my husband alone. I’m not giving up on us. I love him. We have 2 kids and a granddaughter on the way. He is going through a mid-life crisis. Please leave my husband alone.
No answer. Instead she blocked me. I can no longer see her profile. It’s actually a blessing.
Garett stopped by after work to pick up some cloths I packed from him. I couldn’t help myself; I went out to see him. I guess I was hoping he would hold me and tell me it was all a big mistake… but he didn’t. Instead he stood there looking off as if I was wasting his time. Anger rushed over me and I lunged at him, grabbing his shirt and ripping it right off. I was yelling, crying, making a scene.
After I went inside I immediately felt awful. I called him. It took 5 times before he picked up (I don't blame him. I really lost it). I told him I was sorry. And not his kind of sorry (sorry the way it was done). I was sorry I did it at all. He thanked me for that. I told him he had over a year to deal with his emotions. Mine were new and raw.
Again I begged and again he said no.
I went to bed that night only to toss and turn. I couldn’t help myself. I called him. He said he wanted to move her here to our town, buy a house and get married. I asked him what the hurry was. Then it hit me.
“Is she pregnant?”
“IS she pregnant?”
“ANSWER ME NOW! IS SHE PREGNANT?”
I don’t know what to think. I mean it took him forever to tell me about HER. I was feeling sick.
I told him I wasn’t going to call him today and he should take this time to REALLY think about what he was doing… but to call me when he missed ME.
I didn’t sleep at all that night.
I didn’t hear from him all day. Nothing.
I couldn’t help thinking: Doesn’t he care how we’re doing? Do we food? Do we have money?
Nope. No concern at all.
I cried all day, and he… who knows.
I sent him texts. No reply. I called. No answer. I left a message. No call.
Again, I cried.
I finally fell asleep sometime after 1AM only to wake up at 3:30AM. It's now 11:55PM on Wednesday and I have yet to go to bed.... Today was not any better then yesterday or the day before.
In fact, it was much, much worse.