Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Hopeless


Sat 7/7/12

I woke in Mason’s room and walked toward my room.  As I got there, Garett popped out of the master bath and scared me.  He was supposed to be at work.  He had told me earlier in the week he would be working for the next week/week and a half without a day off.  When I confronted him he lied denying he ever said it.

My gut says he planned on seeing her but for whatever reason changed his mind.

“When are you planning on leaving me?”  Crying.

“I don’t know. Probably after Chance graduates.”  Cold.

“Where are you planning to go?”

“I don’t know”. Cold, flat and cruel.

“What should I do?”  Scared and crying.

“I don’t know”.

“You don’t know what you’re doing to Chance.  He is a mess.  He was crying all night”

“I’ll talk to him”.

He walked out of the house.  He was so cold and cruel as we stood on the deck he had just built.  Then it hit me.  The deck wasn’t for me.  It was to add value to the house.  He was planning to sell our home.

Again, I begged and begged.  I asked why?  “Why would you ask me to invite friends and family over for the 4th if you were only going to leave me the next day?”

“I don’t know”.

“What about our home where we’ve raised our children?”

“That house is hopeless”.  Disgusted.  Almost angry.

“Like our marriage?”

No answer.

“If our home is hopeless.  If our marriage is hopeless. Why don’t you just leave?”

He walked inside and got down on all fours in front of the fan.

“I mean it, Garett”.  If our home and marriage are hopeless why don’t you just leave?  Leave.  Leave right now!”

At that moment I wanted him to hurt.  There he was cold, cruel, pretending I wasn’t there as he tried to get cooled off by the fan.  Insulting our home.  Insulting our marriage.  He needed to go before I kicked him in the face.  And I told him so.

He got a laundry basket and started to pack it with cloths.  He stopped, looking me in the eye for the first time in days.  “Where will I go?”

“Well, Garett, I’ll tell you what you’ve been telling me, I don’t know.  I don’t even know what I’m going to do.  You didn’t care about my future and what I’m supposed to do.”

It’s the only time I saw emotion – fear.  I started to feel a little bad but then … NO.  If his girlfriend lived in the same town he would NOT hesitate to leave me on the spot.  It’s only now that he has nowhere to go that he’s shaking in his shoes.

He left for a 2.5 hr drive to tell his parents.  (Later I would find out THAT was a lie too)

I had to break the news to Mason.  He took it really hard.  I was still a mess and so was Chance.  Hell, we’re all still a mess.

Later, Garett came to get his things.  Mason let him have it (verbally).  I was going to stop it but thought why should I make this easier on Garett.  And Mason isn’t a child.  He’s a 20 yr old man who is going to have a baby girl soon.

God stepped in:  because of the extreme heat for the past few days many areas started to lose power.  Mason and Mandy were one of those home.  So they came to stay here.  I think it was what we all needed.  I slept pretty good that night.


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