I thought it was odd that he would come over without his new girlfriend. It seemed lately that we could not have any conversations without her within earshot. Even our phone conversations were suddenly always on speaker.
So finally we’d be able to have a real conversation and catch up.
I also thought it was odd that he hugged me longer than usual. It seemed that he was happy to be home.
He grabbed a bowl of chili and had a seat.
I noticed he didn’t serve himself as much as he usual. It also seemed as if he was eating quicker than usual.
I remember taking in the moment as I sat at the table with him; watching him and his father talking about sports and loving knowing that C was in his room. Knowing all the birdies were under the same roof again filled me with peace.
Then everything changed in an instant.
“Mandy is pregnant”. His eyes filled up with tears and all I wanted to do was protect him and take all his fears away. I went into momma bear mode reassuring him that even though all was going to change, all was going to be ok.
He’s only 20. He’ll share his 21st birthday the same month his baby is born. I wish he would listen to me and take my advice. I know what I’m talking about. I was 20 when I had HIM…turned 21 only 3 weeks later.
But then again he didn’t listen when I told him to wrap it up. He didn’t listen when I told him to be safe and responsible. He just didn’t listen.
Too late now. Too late for lectures. Too late for blame. Too late to feel sorry for yourself.
This I told him. I also told him:
Those days about how YOU feel and what YOU want are OVER. That baby did not ask to be brought into this world. He/She (we now know the baby is a She) will come first. They deserve to be first.
Those shoes you just have to have and shirts you love so much – forget about it. Baby comes first. I haven’t bought cloths in forever (or gotten a hair cut) because I’m STILL putting my children first.
After a lecture I hugged him and told him how much I love him. How much I’m proud of him. Shocked, eyes full of tears, he looked straight into my eyes and asked, “Why?”.
And I told him:
Because you didn’t run. You could have denied this baby being yours and never lay eyes on Mandy again. You could abandon her until paternity confirmation MAKES you be responsible for your actions.
You told us. You didn’t embarrass us by making us the LAST to know. You came to us and right away.
We love you and like I’ve ALWAYS told you; you and your brother are the most important people in my life. Our family is the MOST important thing in my life.
After he left, I cried. He has no idea how tough the road ahead is going to be for him.
Like the Giving Tree, I’ll always be here for him. Everything happens for a reason and maybe one day (I hope) he’ll be grateful for all we do for him. Maybe on that day he meets her for the first time.