Tuesday, May 31, 2011

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my extended family. I’ve gained SO much weight; I’m embarrassed for my family to see me this way…. I mean REALLY, I’m literally twice the size I used to be.

I recently traveled 3.5 hrs back home for my aunt’s funeral (dad's sister).  I’ve missed them all SO much.

My visit left me with many regrets (a feeling I’m not used to).

With the power of Facebook, I sent the following message to some of those family members:
I want you all to know just how much I love you.

I am so sorry for being away for so long. To be 100% honest with you... it was my HUGE weight gain that kept me away. I was.. am SO embarrassed with what I've done to myself that I wanted to wait until I was "back to normal".

Where did that get me? Missing seeing my tia. Missing telling her how much I love her. Giving her a hug and seeing her smile one more time.

I love you all SO much and I don't ever want to miss a chance to tell you. I don't ever want to miss a chance to hold you and let you know just how much you mean to me. I think of you all often and love you ALWAYS.
It never gets easy to say you’re sorry and announce your failures. I just hope these wounds will now begin to heal and we will be as close as we once were.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Honoring the men and women, past and present, who serve our country and protect our freedom.

Thank you.  God Bless.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Thanks so much, Terri for giving me this blog award.

Please stop by and visit Terri's blog - Terri’s Little HavenI'm sure you'll like it as much as I do.
You have to share 7 things about yourself and then pass along the award to 15 other bloggers.

       Seven Things About Me:
1)  I have two teen boys.
2)  I've been married for almost 17 years.
3)  In the fall I'll be starting my 11th year as an the attendance clerk at an elementary school.
4)  I really love a good nap... especially on a rainy day.
5)  I love Jesus.
6)  I don't like lobster.
7)  Daisies are my favorite flower.

     15 Blogs I Follow:
Please click on their link and check them out - random order.  
1)  The Steady Hand
Simpy Stacie
There's Just One Mommy
4)  Empty Nest
5)  Little Miss Kindergarten
6)  Messy Mind
7)  Following the Footsteps
8)  Never Growing Old
9)  Loving Mom 2 Boys
10)  Beth: A Work In Progress
11)  Over 50 Feeling 40
12)  Nana Hood
13)  The Kimball Family Adventures
14)  The Daily Wife
15)  A Heavenly Journey

Saturday, May 28, 2011

I really enjoy reading new blogs and meeting the women (a few men) who write them.

Jump on in and meet some blogs too.

Have a great holiday weekend!

Friday, May 27, 2011

I've been reading a lot a great blogs. I'm sure you will enjoy too.  So, if you're a blogger over 40, link it up!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Good news – maybe – the world didn’t end. Bad news – these crazies are still trying to predict the end of the world. The newest date:  October 21, 2011…. I haven’t heard the time yet.

I saw this picture on a friend's Facebook page and I had to share here.

Actually, it wasn’t awkward if you read and believe in His word.

Have faith and be ready. It’s all good.
No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.    ~ Matthew 24:36
You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.    ~ Luke 12:40

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Yesterday was Race Day. The weather was perfect. The sun was out but not blazing. There was a nice breeze. Excitement in the air as all the teams gathered in the middle of the high school track. Music was playing, girls were dancing, singing. It was a celebration.

Then we were off. I walked a little, ran a little.

My thinking – I’d stop at the first watering station. It marked the first mile. I could do one mile (I’m up to 2.5 on my treadmill).

When I got there I decided to keep going to the second watering station marking the second mile.

I passed the second watering station.

As people were passing me, I decided I would keep walking until the police car marking the end of the race caught up to me. Then I’d hitch a ride back up to the track – the finish line.

The car caught up to me just after 2.5 miles. I was ready to hop in but my co-worker, Kim (who had been in front of the car from the get go) wouldn’t let me. She kept saying we could do this. She was amazing – and walking faster than me.

At this point, I had zero excuses. She’s just as big as I am and just as short (4’11”). If she was going to keep going I had to too.

The last half mile was mostly uphill and was awful!!

Although we were REALLY bringing up the rear (by this point we couldn’t see the runners in front of us) people were still there… cheering us on…. And I started losing it.

Our hometown hosted the race so many people were cheering our names. We were almost there, Kim still walking in front of me.

I could hear announcements as we entered the high school parking lot. (Someone needed their car battery jumped). Having already finished the race, many runners were walking to their cars.

Friends, co-workers and strangers lined the opening to the track, cheering us on.

After we made the last turn on the track, Kim took off running. For a second, I thought I’d run too… nope. I think I might have passed out if I tried.

People were still in the stands cheering. Music was playing. I crossed the finish line… last. Emotions took over. I bent over and cried like a baby. I stood up to find a crowd around me – cheering, crying, taking pictures.

As friends and strangers hugged me they were saying, “Great job”, “You’re an inspiration”, “I’m so proud of you”, on and on. It felt great but really, I’m no inspiration. I wanted to quit so many times. It was Kim who kept me going.

The only thing that would have made this experience perfect – my family being there.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

So the world is supposed to end Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 6:00pm... Is that local time?  Just asking.

End of the world?  I don't think so.
No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.
~ Matthew 24:36

You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.
~ Luke 12:40

Your thoughts?

Friday, May 20, 2011

I'm 40.  I blogHow about you?  Link it up.

The RULES to join in are very simple!

1. Grab the button
2. Add your link to the list
3. Visit as many other blogs as you can
4. Follow the ones you like (and comment on their blog to say that you are following)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time I so wanted a baby girl.  Seven months along my ultrasound shot down that dream.

My second pregnancy was so different than my first I was sure this time I was having a girl.  Thirty-six and a 1/2 weeks later - I had a new baby boy.

I really wanted a girl.  Well, at least I thought I did.  As my boys grew my need for a daughter lessened.  Actually, I would have had one more child (at least) if I had been guaranteed another boy.  The fear of having a girl kept me from adding another birdie to our nest.

I don't think I would have been a good mom to a girl.  I'm not frilly.  I don't wear dresses.  I don't like shopping.  I curse like a sailor (work in progress).  I'm highly in appropriate. 

I love my nieces and all the little girls I come into contact with at school.  I participate in Girls on the Run.  I hope to be the very best mom-in-Law ever (second to my own mom-in-law).  If blessed with granddaughters, I will learn to make ponytails and I WILL shop for all things frilly.

For now.... I'll enjoy my boys and embrace that I am outnumbered.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

So, you know I love TV - reality, soaps, ID (Investigation Discovery), E!, MTV, Bravo, yada, yada.

I can't drink (migraines).  I don't smoke. I curse (way too much - I'm working on it) and watch all things TV... and now I blog - Everyone needs a hobby. 

Anyway, I've been watching the Kardashians on E! for years.  Khloe Kardashian has always been my favorite.  She's beautiful, confident, funny and loves her family fiercely.

Now, I enjoy watching Khloe and Lamar on E! 

Lamar Odom has his own money.  His own fame.  Khloe clearly loves him and wants to look out for him - keeping those away who just want a free ride.

I can't stand it when people say or write saying Khloe is fat.  She is not fat.  She is tall, People.  I love it when she tells them all to fuck off. 

Many couples have split after doing a reality TV show:  Nick and Jessica, Whitney and Bobby, The Hogans, The Gosselins, Dave and Carmen... even Paris and Nicole went their separate ways.

I just hope these two stay off that list... along with Gene and Shannon.

Does this stuff suck you in too?  Come on, I know I'm not the only one watching. 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I think I dream way more than the average person - well, at least a whole lot more than Gman and the boys.  I remember at least one dream a night, sometimes more.  Here's one from the other night:

M had been acting weird so I confronted him.  He confessed that he was addicted to heroin (remember, just a dream).  Gman and I told him he needed to go in for treatment but he was set against it so we physically attacked him.  We held him down, taped up his ankles and arms to his sides and took him to the hospital.

They put him in a coma to lessen the effects of withdrawal. 

As we sat watching him on a tv monitor his friend (from high school in my dream) got upset and started crying.  This angered me because I felt he helped M down that road.  I punched him in the face and started yelling at him to get himself together or he would be in the bed next to M.

So maybe this dream IS telling me something.  I wanted to talk to M today but felt kinda silly after he showed me his recent grades.... I guess I'll wait until next weekend. 

Do you remember your dreams?

Monday, May 16, 2011

I know you've probably already seen this but I can't help but find it amusing.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I know people who lie just so others can be envious of them. Saying they have more than they do. Saying they did things they didn’t. Not wanting to be like the “Jones” but to BE the “Jones”.

I’m the opposite. I really don’t feel comfortable when people say they are envious of me for any reason.

A true friend cannot wish you the best with envy in their heart. This was a tough lesson for me.

I had a friend I considered a sister. It wasn’t until years later and a MAJOR slap in the face, did I realize how much this girl really hated me. She was so jealous that when I was at my lowest she was actually happy. (another story)

Lesson Learned: When someone is jealous of the good things in your life they cannot be truly happy for you. If they are jealous the of the good things they must be happy when things are going bad for you.

Note to Boys: I’m telling you boys this in the hopes of saving you the hurt I went through. Don’t wish for others to be envious of you – for they will never really want good things for you. And don’t brag about all God has blessed you with – stay humble and always give thanks to Him.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Gman has not been wearing his ring. He tells me he loves me and that I’m just over reacting… it’s been known to happen.

I know nothing could stop him if he really wanted to cheat - When we first started seeing each other, he was seeing two other women at the same time. (long story)

I knew the guy he was when we met. I wanted him. I married him. I love him. He says he’s not cheating and he loves me. I have to believe that – wasting time thinking anything else would drive me nuts.

Insecurity is NOT a good thing. It does NOT feel good. Wondering if he’s cheating, thinking of following him on and on and on…. Time wasted trying to prove something. Trying to prove that he’s a cheater. Trying to prove he’s a great guy.

If he is a great guy, I’m treating him like crap – always questioning, pouting, bitching, being depressed.

If he is a cheater, I’m really making him feel ok with his decision – you know with all the pouting, bitching and such.

So where do we go from here? I don’t know. Time will tell.

I won’t spy on him. I can’t change him. I can’t make him love me forever. I can’t waste MY life, MY time. I need to take back all the wasted time of worry and wonder. He’s going to do… whatever - whether I’m watching or not – whether I catch him or not.

I need to work on ME. I think feeling better about myself will make me feel better about my marriage.

Now more than any other time in my life, I really do hope I was over reacting over it all.