Tuesday, November 1, 2011

You Just Never Know

Dear Mom,

t feels weird to me to say “Mom”. It’s been so long since I’ve said “Mom”.

I was angry for a long time. Angry that you didn’t put us first in your life. It was always your own wants, your own needs, your abusive husband, your need to drink and act a fool with your sister.

I’m so sick of the excuse that you were a young mom. Here’s a newsflash for you, I was the same age as you when I had my first child. I was even younger than you when I had my second.

I put my boys first. Drinking, parting a thing of the past. As they grew older I grew more aware of your selfishness. I couldn’t understand how you could send me to a molester’s home to pay his mother for babysitting us. This AFTER I told you he was creepy the night before.

Packing my room up when I had just turned 18 and still had a full year of high school left. I didn’t think it was such a big deal at the time – you have a way of spinning things and making people believe the way you want them to. As my own son started his senior year of high school, I couldn’t imagine doing the same to him.

You weren’t good for my children. You never took care of them without being paid. When you did take care of them you would let them see inappropriate movies. (Much like when you let me see Saturday Night Fever when I was 9) You didn’t even come to see them play sports. You would give one of my children birthday cards but not the other.

The final straw was you coming over trashed at 11:30 on a school night to wake up my family with your drama, yelling and screaming. That’s when I knew enough was enough. I would not let your ugliness effect my children’s lives one minute longer.

As the years have passed so has my anger… maybe a little of my hurt too. Although to hear any of your excesses could probably light that flame.

Even though we don’t talk I have always prayed for you. I’ve prayed for blessings over your home, heart, job, all that touches your life. I wish for peace in your heart and a drama free life. I’m happy to hear you have found love and this one treats you well. I’m glad you’ve moved away from your sister who has always given you horrible advice because she is jealous of you. (I don’t believe someone can truly wish the best for you if they are jealous of you)

I do love you. I am happy for you. It seems you’re in a good place. Maybe you have finally found the peace I hoped for you. I don’t know if we will ever have that mother/daughter relationship. It seems we are both happy. Why rock the boat? But then again, you just never know.

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2 Friends Commented:

Sherri said...

so hard when that one most important relationship is not good... my mother & i didn't speak for just over 10 years... and finally, finally we were able to make amends and move forward... it was hard at first but now things are pretty okay...

you are an amazing woman Mona... always keeping your mom in your prayers and hoping only for good things in her life...

glad to see you here :)

Mer said...

I think you have handled it exactly right. Your gift of prayer is a wonderful thing.