Saturday, May 14, 2011

More Insecurities

Gman has not been wearing his ring. He tells me he loves me and that I’m just over reacting… it’s been known to happen.

I know nothing could stop him if he really wanted to cheat - When we first started seeing each other, he was seeing two other women at the same time. (long story)

I knew the guy he was when we met. I wanted him. I married him. I love him. He says he’s not cheating and he loves me. I have to believe that – wasting time thinking anything else would drive me nuts.

Insecurity is NOT a good thing. It does NOT feel good. Wondering if he’s cheating, thinking of following him on and on and on…. Time wasted trying to prove something. Trying to prove that he’s a cheater. Trying to prove he’s a great guy.

If he is a great guy, I’m treating him like crap – always questioning, pouting, bitching, being depressed.

If he is a cheater, I’m really making him feel ok with his decision – you know with all the pouting, bitching and such.

So where do we go from here? I don’t know. Time will tell.

I won’t spy on him. I can’t change him. I can’t make him love me forever. I can’t waste MY life, MY time. I need to take back all the wasted time of worry and wonder. He’s going to do… whatever - whether I’m watching or not – whether I catch him or not.

I need to work on ME. I think feeling better about myself will make me feel better about my marriage.

Now more than any other time in my life, I really do hope I was over reacting over it all.

2 Friends Commented:

Sherri said...

i have many of these same struggles... i have huge trust issues... drives coach crazy... he's not cheating... i know he's not because i have been spying... i hate that i have done that... but i can't help it... past relationships have taught me this pattern of behavior for myself... when i really sit and logically think about this i know he loves me...i know he's not cheating..he has not time to do that ... and i have learned that i have to like myself more...if i more worthy and confident then the trust issues will lessen... if i love myself and know that i'm a good woman that is worthy of being loved, i won't worry about him seeking other women...

i hope you find some peace

More Milestones said...

Thanks Sherri. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in the boat.
: )