My parents divorced when I was seven but their relationship continued until I was sixteen. Although there was never any physical abuse (well, there was one time) there were heated arguements. It had my brother and I moving back and forth from state to state going to many different schools.
My first major relationship found me following familiar patterns. When things were good, they were great. When things were bad, police were called.
I broke the cycle when I married Gman. Although it took A LOT of convincing to marry him - I just wasn't sure about the whole marriage thing - In my experience - you get pissed, you pack up and start over. Marriage was for better NOT worse or death do you part.
Although I loved Gman with all my heart, the reason I finally agreed to marry him was because I was on baby number two and I couldn't embarrass my father again.
As it turned out, it was the best decision I ever made. It lead me down a better path. My soul was healing.
Now, as our boys are sixteen and ninteen, I thought we were in the home stretch. I could finally see myself growing old with the man I love. I could see us doing "old people" things together.
This morning I was hit in the face when I realized Gman hasn't been wearing his wedding ring in months. I guess I just took it for granted that he wore it. He says it was bothering him. Now, I could understand if it was like that from the get go but he as ALWAYS worn his ring. Even expressed how much he liked it.
So when he says his ring has been bothering him.... I take it as I have been bothering him.
When I told him how I felt he got loud saying it was nothing then blew me off not wanting to talk about it.
So now I sit here breaking.
My walls stayed up long after we married. Just as they are nowhere to be seen BAM!
Ten years ago I was ready for this kind of thing - pack up and move on. Today, I can't imagine life without him. I'm a mess. I'm in pieces on the floor. My twenty-five year old self is telling me off. She knew this would happen eventually.