Friday, August 20, 2010

Promises

When I lived with someone I thought it was the same as being married.  I didn't see how a piece of paper made any kind of difference.

Now that I am married I see things differently.  It's more than a piece of paper.  We made promises to each other in front of our friends, family and God.  My father gave my hand to Gman, giving Gman his approval to care for me and our children (yes we had 1.5 kids before we married - yup, we did it before Angelina & Brad)

When I lived with someone it was on / off / on / off.  When you're married it's not that easy.  I can't just pack up, leave and never look back.  I can't kick Gman out and change the locks.  We have children.  Everything in our life ties to one another.

Our life has not been happily ever after.  (Newsflash - no one's life is)  Rose petals and hearts don't fall from the sky and music does not play in the background as we travel the world sipping champagne and making love on the beach.

Movies and TV make it all seem wonderful.  They make women feel that love is perfect.  This great handsome guy sweeps you off your feet, gets down on bended knee and puts a huge rock on your finger.  You have a big beautiful wedding, set off in the sunset to live happily ever after.

In reality, love and marriage take a lot of work.This is what works for us:
  • We laugh - A LOT.
  • We still flirt with each other.
  • We do nice things each other - daily:  giving a massage, saying nice things, just using good manners toward each other.
  • We compromise - A LOT.
  • We talk - just us:  it's usually at the end of the day but we spend talking to each other.
These aren't "Rules".  We never decided this was the way it was going to be.  It's just been a happy accident.

One of the cards we received at our wedding said, "Marriage is like a garden.  You need to tend to it everyday so weeds don't set in".  It is SO true.


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1 Friends Commented:

sherri said...

Great words on marriage! It is a hard road, but completely worth it when you end up with the right person.

These days it seems so many people simply give up... little fights or disagreements land in divorce...

Divorce is the easy way out. Don't get me wrong... there are certainly times when divorce is the only answer.. and no person should stay in an abusive relationship!!

I just think that as a whole, we all need to start taking our commitments a bit more seriously...