Saturday, August 14, 2010

Love's Lessons

My first love was a great con.  I believed everyhing he said - it just all really seemed to make sense at the time.  He was very sly that's for sure.

Looking back I see more signs:

  • When I asked him something he would repeat the question.
  • He would ask me to repeat the question.
  • Instead of giving me an answer he would ask me a question.
  • He would turn the tables and get so mad at me for even asking - saying how could I doubt him when I was supposed to love him.
  • He would also change the subject all together.  
  • He was the king of denial - even when I knew there was no other explanation or someone saw him do something - he would deny, deny, deny.  
I always ended up feeling bad about myself for doubting him.  He said he truly loved me and was only trying his best.  I was the bad one in the relationship.  If only I stopped listening to those unsupportive friends and family our relationship would be golden.

I guess because he never hit me, left bruises or sent me to the hospital; I didn't think I had a good enough reason to leave him. 

I now believe it would have lead to something more physical if we had stayed together.

I don't believe he is a bad person just because our relationship didn't work.  We did have some good times.  We just weren't good for each other. 

I do wish him well.... don't get me wrong I don't wish him to win the lotto or anything but I do hope that he has learned something from our relationship and is in a much better place.

I learned my own lessons:  Listen to the universe - see the signs.  If your family - people who really love you - are telling you there is something wrong with him, they're probably right.  You can't hold on to someone who doesn't love you.  You'll never have a strong healthy loving relationship as long as you're holding on to a wreck of a relationship.  When it's over, let it be over... out of sight out of mind.

Letting him go wasn't easy.  I did love him.  I didn't think I could breathe without him.  It was VERY painful but it was the best thing for me.  I moved on and never looked back.  Once I did that, I was able to let in that really great guy

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