Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My Disease

You know how they say anorexics see themselves as fat even when they are so thin their bones are poking through their skin?  Well, I have the opposite disease.  I see myself as thin.  OK, so maybe not "thin" but at least not obese.  That is until I look in the mirror.  It's the only time I see the fat.

When watching The Biggest Loser I feel empathy for those people who are so deeply depressed by their weight.  Why am I not depressed over my weight? 

I get upset but more than anything it pisses me off.  I get pissed when cloths don't fit, pissed that the seat belt is getting tighter, pissed that I huff and puff and pissed that I broke a chair at work.


Actually I'm not sure how pissed I am about the chair thing since I'm kinda laughing right now at the thought of breaking it.  No joke.  I really broke an office chair at work! (Over time, not at once, but still...broken)

Maybe my weight doesn't bother me because I never had a weight problem until after the birth of our second child.  From then on it's been a steady weight increase.  Also, I don't know... I guess... I don't blame anyone but myself (and that bitch Wendy - love the fries).

I know I'm fat.  Actually, I'm obese.  So what is the matter with me!  Why can't I get my ass in gear?  I've tried to lose weight.  I've had some success in the past.  

My problem is I give up too fast.  No one notices I've lost 7oz and I give up.  Also, It's A LOT of hard work.  Do you know how long I'd have to keep this shit up to loose all this fat!  What a pain! 

Then I look at chicks like this and I'm all, "Yeah, I can do this".  (She is so my hero!)  It's a never ending roller coaster and it's making me kinda sick already.  Who knows.  Maybe someday I'll finally jump off.
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6 Friends Commented:

Christy said...

I hear you! I don't really feel overweight, but as soon as I see a picture that someone took of me while I wasn't looking, I want to cry! I get motivated to lose the weight for all of a week and then I get sick of it. I need THE RIGHT motivation and it hasn't come along just yet. It will though, for both of us! Good luck! :)

More Milestones said...

Thanks Christy. It's tough bumpy road that's for sure.

sherri said...

I'm on that same ride...I'm fat, I know I'm fat...I obsess over it but do nothing about it...well not nothing, but I don't do diets & exercise long enough. As you said, when no one notices the 3 lbs that I've lost, I get depressed and talk myself into some nachos. Or I will do really good eating for 6 days...then on Sunday, because I've been sooo good all week, I think I deserve a treat. Treat my ass...it's generally 2 enchiladas, rice, beans, chips & slasa, then dessert at home...such is life...I have a new motto "love it or lump it"

More Milestones said...

Sherri you are awesome! You always make me smile.
Yup, I do the same thing. Isn't it amazing how you can work so hard for one week to lose 3 pounds only to gain it ALL back in one meal? Really, how does that happen?

cooperl788 said...

It IS really hard to lose any amount of weight! Also, why is it that we have to lose all the fat in our face first? Why couldn't it come off of my belly or thighs first? I watch the Biggest Loser too... on my couch with a bag of chips. Thanks for visiting my blog!

More Milestones said...

I start losing weight from my toes and fingers first. : )