Saturday, July 10, 2010

Dear Diary

I came across some of my old journals.  It was so weird looking through them.  (I know I have tons more somewhere) 

I was a really great chick!  I was so confident and smart.  I wrote about wanting Gman in my life.  I also wrote about Ed, a male friend I had at the time.

Both Gman and a cousin have always said this guy had a huge crush on me.  My cousin was convinced that he was in love with me.  She said it was the way he looked at me.  I thought Gman and my cousin were both nuts.  Sure I hung out with Ed (a lot) but usually we were with another chick.  Actually, he told me he was crushing on her.

He was attractive, funny, worked two jobs.  He was always so sweet a caring.  I never lead Ed on.  #1 - I told him I hoped Gman and I would turn into something serious.  #2 - Ed and I worked together and I told him a relationship with a co-worker would be too weird.  #3 - Ed slept with my cousin in high school.  Even though he and I didn't know each other then, I just could NOT sleep with someone who had his way with someone I know, let alone a relative.  Talk about weird.

The last time I saw Ed was at our wedding.  I tried calling him a few times after but his mom would only say he didn't want to talk to me.  No reason given.  I sent him and his wife (same page) a MySpace friend request.  Per my email, they accepted.  When I went to leave a comment saying "Hi" they had blocked me!   Both Gman and cuz think this validates their crush theory. 

I've seen Ed's (and wife) FaceBook page.  I haven't tried to contact them.  Maybe if Ed had his own page.  By the way, what's with the same page deal?  Kinda insecure don't you think?  Gman and I have separate MySpace and FaceBook pages.  He has old high school female friends (and girlfriends) as friends on his pages.  I mean, if they're gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you.  (btw, I only have male and female friends on my pages)

Anyway, as I'm reading through this journal with a new perspective, I think Ed really did care about me.  Why didn't I see it then?  He called, he came over, he cooked for me.  At one time I couldn't afford and phone and he said he missed me.  How could I NOT see?

To me, this validates my love for Gman.  Boy, love really is blind.  All I could see was Gman.  I still love him with all my heart.  He drives me BANANAS!  But he's mine.

I have thought about Ed through the years.  I miss his friendship.  It's unfair that he should leave my life without warning or reason.  Why do friends leave?  .... or do we leave them?

7 Friends Commented:

Hannah said...

Good question! I think that it is both, we leave them and they leave us. I think that people grow apart, sometimes without even realizing it, and then when you try to reconnect later the pieces just don't fit anymore. In your case maybe it was just to hard for Ed to see you with someone else even when he moved on himself.

More Milestones said...

Hannah, I agree. I wish I knew his side, his point of view. He really was a good friend. I know it's probably for the best but that is one friendship from the past I really do miss.

Kelly said...

All of what Hannah said :)
And I am like you, till this day often left wondering why???

More Milestones said...

Kelly I guess there are some questions we'll never know the answer to.

Bargain Mom said...

Following you from MBC. Stop by my blog when you get a chance. I will follow you on twitter next!

Gina said...

Although you feel sad not to have Ed be a friend in your life maybe fate is at work. Who knows what would happen if you did try to be friends now. It sounds like his wife is not overly happy about letting him have independent friendships. If they share social networking pages that sounds a bit clingy. Maybe you are better off not having her get the wrong idea. It could get complicated..

More Milestones said...

Gina I couldn't agree more. I'm all about fate and not going against it. So I'll be taking your suggestion and letting things be. No drama sounds VERY good to me. : )