Friday, December 31, 2010

I wanted each post in November be filled with gratitude.

The universe heard me and decided..."umm, I don't think so" and I was thrown a few difficulties. 

These past few months have been filled with challenges.  I really don’t want to revisit those events now (maybe later).  At the moment, I'd rather move on from icky thoughts.

So here's hoping your holidays were filled with love, your evening is happy and safe, and 2011 brings you joy, peace and love.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

This fall I started my 10th school year working at an elementary school.   I started on the playground.  I've worked in the kitchen.  I think my favorite job was working as a kindergarten teacher's aide for three years.  It was the BEST job ever.

After working in the middle school (6th - 8th grade) for three years; I'm back in the elementary.  I'm working in the office as the attendance clerk.  This is the second best job I've had working at the school.  I get to do my work without someone looking over my shoulder and micromanaging.

In the past, I worked with a moody, jealous, biter woman.  The woman I work with now is for the most part easy going and helpful.  It's a much better working environment.

Although I technically work two title positions;  I am now working full time hours (7hrs).

I am SO grateful for my job.  I love it! 

I work with great people.  I have a great boss.  I'm able to do the kind of work I love. (office/paper pusher)

Most importantly, I hope I'm able to make a positive, happy memory for the 500 little people that walk those halls each and every day. 

Monday, November 1, 2010

Wow, November is here already!  As I've posted on my homepage, I've decided not to wait until Thanksgiving Day to give thanks for all my blessings.  This month each post will be filled with thoughts of gratitude.  (No particular order)

Actually, until about 7 or 8 yrs ago, I didn't put a whole lot of thought into being grateful.  Sure I was happy about things but I don't know that I expressed it much.  Then I started making a gratitude list at the end of each journal entry - in the beginning it was really hard to come up with anything to put on the list.

As I started my journey toward being less of a whiny "poor me" "why me" kinda gal, I found giving thanks became a lot easier to do.  I also started to find joy in the "little things" - sun on my face, color of the fall leaves, having a piece of chocolate.

Everyday I talk to God throughout the day, giving thanks for all He has given me.  I thank Him for Gman, our boys, our jobs, our home, our friends and family...on and on.  Then something will happen - a car coming toward me crossing the yellow line then getting over as I pass... "Thank you Lord for watching over me".  I'll have just enough cash at the checkout... "Thank You God for that extra 5 bucks I had tucked away.  (Those things really happened, btw)

While being faced with a bad situation, I try to find something about that situation to give thanks.  Because it's REALLY easy to say "Thank You" when you win a million bucks... not so easy when your electricity gets turned off (that happened too).  When you give thanks during a bad situation it makes it a little easier to face... really no lie.  It's been my key to happiness.

So today... I'm thankful for having a washer and dryer. (Also thankful the cap on the bleach was on tight as the container fell off the shelf).  Yesterday I was able to get a lot laundry done.  The smell of clean bedding is a great way to end a long busy day. 

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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Many feel strongly about Halloween one way or another.  It's meaning and reason for being has changed throughout history.   Halloween has also changed for me.

When I was a little girl, I couldn't wait for Halloween.  Wearing a costume and getting tons of candy.  I didn't appreciate getting apples or popcorn balls for all my hard work.

As a mom, I enjoyed decorating the house... and the kids.  The candy part was not as fun.  Now there were Mommy Rules:  don't eat candy until we go through the bags, only 2 or 3 pieces a day, brush floss rinse, blah, blah, blah.

I haven't decorated in a while (maybe next year).  No costumes.  No little football players or clowns running around, excited about candy and wrestling over a piece that hit the floor.

I found this short video ( on the History of Halloween.  You may find it interesting too.

Whatever your feelings about Halloween, be safe and be happy.

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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Halloween.  That time of year when it's ok to put a Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkin Cup in your desk while eating a KitKat.

Trick or Treating.  When you first learn what it means when people say, "If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is." - because you think you have a bag full of candy but when you get home... apples, boxes of raisins, popcorn balls, and a ton of candy corn.

I'm not big on candy corn.  Not really a fan of mint chocolate anything either.

I am however, slightly in love with Red Twizzlers (great for movies) and Dove Milk Chocolate Promises (gives sweet advice).  And yeah, I also love me some Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkin Cups and KitKats.

What are your favorites?

After reading this post, C says, "I love popcorn balls, candy corn and mint chocolate EVERYTHING!"
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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

After Mr. P's father passed away, I knew I should go to the funeral.  I mean, I didn't know his father or anything but I felt I needed to be there for him.  I wasn't sure how I was going to make that happen because of my freak fear.

While at work I called a co-worker/classmate/friend (Leslie) to talk about work and the subject of Mr. P came up.  We both wanted to be there for him.  She didn't know if she could work it out (she's a teacher) and I have this embarrassing personality problem.

After she was able to work out her schedule (having another teacher watch her class), I swallowed my pride and fessed up with my social problem.

It was a great move.  She was SO helpful. 

On the way to the visitation we had a great talk.  When we got there she stepped out in front; smiling, shaking hands, giving hugs and condolences.  I smiled, gave hugs and let her do the talking.  When Mr. P, Leslie and I were alone all felt good (with my panic anyway).

I am so glad God laid out the steps for me to call Leslie.  I would not have been able to show my support to Mr. P without her supporting me.  I most likely would have backed out with yet another excuse.

It meant a lot to him that we were there.  It meant a lot to me that Leslie helped me fight the phobia.

God and friends - the best way to help you out of a funk.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I moved around a lot as a kid and went to many different schools.  So I learned quickly to make them laugh or be laughed at.  I've always been friendly and outgoing.  My graduating classmates nominated me female class clown and female practical joker.

During my first serious relationship, my boyfriend slowly turned me away from my friends and family; taking up all my time and attention.  I think that's when this thing started.

I'm still friendly but the outgoing is at a standstill.  It's hard for me to be in an unfamiliar situation or in a place with tons of people.  I start getting so worked up/nervous/whatever that I can actually trigger a migraine. 

Most people are surprised when I tell them... but then slowly recall all the times I backed out of a party with a lame excuse.
At first I didn't know what the deal was.  I would actually purposely start a fight with Gman just so I wouldn't have to go somewhere. 

He finally confronted me and asked why.  At that point I really didn't realize I was avoiding people.  It didn't make sense to me... and still doesn't.

Working at an elementary school I see tons of people every day.  I get groceries.  I go shopping (although I don't like it).  I go to the movies (although not as much as I'd like). 

It takes me a long time to get myself mentally ready to go somewhere - sometimes days.  I think the toughest part is getting started.  (I dread getting ready to go somewhere).  

Most of the time, 5 minutes after walking through the door to wherever, I'm fine.  It's just the days before and the getting ready to go that make me want to vomit. 

I really don't know why the thought of being around people gets me so freaked and I don't know how to fix it.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Thursday afternoon I got my flu shot.  By Friday evening I had a fever, cough, sore throat, congestion, body ache.

I took the day off work Friday.  I just may have to change that personal day to a sick day... maybe two.  Uggghhhh!!

My co-worker got her flu shot at the same time (given at school) and is doing great.  Have you gotten your flu shot?  Any side effects?

By Sunday night I felt better - except for a headache that wouldn't let up.  By Monday afternoon I felt tons better - I'm glad I didn't waste a sick day.

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

I couldn't stop thinking about Mr. P and the hurt he and his family were facing.  I decided I would go to the funeral. (This is HUGE for me. I'll write more later).

The visitation was in the afternoon before the funeral.  I went with a friend (co-worker) who had to be back to teach in a couple of hours.  So we could only stay for the visitation.

As we greeted Mr. P., I knew we did the right thing.  You could see the emotions on his face.  I am so glad we went.  The loss well never be ok but I hope Mr. P now knows there are people who really care about him and he's not alone.

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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I work at an elementary school.  I love my co-workers (although there are 2 or 3 I could do without).  Within this past week co-workers have lost family members.  Brother & sister lost their uncle.  Mr. P lost his father.  I feel so awful for them and I just don't know how to express that to them.

I'm klutzy and clumsy and I'm always inserting both feet in this huge mouth of mine.  So now when things REALLY count... what do I say?  How do I say it?

I didn't want to talk to Mr. P at school.  I didn't want him to lose it in front of his students.  So I sent him an email to let him know I care about him and I was thinking of him and his family.  He missed one day of work but came in the next day.  In a way I was surprised but then again when Gman was in the hospital, working kept my mind off worrying.

I did tell the other teacher (on the phone) I was sorry for her loss.  However, I didn't tell her brother.  He doesn't even know I know.  I think I purposely didn't say anything to him because I was hoping to keep his mind from thinking and being sad.  We work closely together and I didn't want him to feel sad and feel that he needed to talk about it.

What I really wish I could do for each of them is hug them, cry with them and let them know how much I love each of them.  They are such good people.  I enjoy the company of each.  I value their presence in my life.  I value their opinion.

I want them to know how very heartbroken I am for them... but every time I open my mouth to reach out and say something loving and supportive.... here come those dang feet! 

I feel like such an idiot.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Becoming a mom changed my whole life.  M was the perfect little baby.  There was always a reason for his cries:  hunger, dirty diaper, wanting attention.  It was so easy being his mommy.

As he grew, I couldn't imagine loving anyone more than my heart loved him.  I wanted another baby but I just couldn't see how my heart would let me love another little person as much as I loved M.

When I became pregnant with our second those worries came back.  I have never heard of anyone feeling the same doubts.  Still it wasn't until I was late in my pregnancy did I talk about them.

A friend had just given birth to her second child so I confided in her.  She said she had felt the same exact way and not only until she saw her second child did it all go away... I hoped that would be true for me too.

After giving birth to C, they put him in my arms.  I looked down into his little pink face and I fell in love all over again.  My heart was so full of love for him I cried. 

My baby boys (now 15 & 19) still fill my heart with love.  Doubts gone forever.  Never have I felt more love for one over the other. 

I'm not proud of my doubts.  I can't imagine our lives without C.

I just wanted to share with all those mommies of one who may wonder..."Do I have enough love for two?"

Because you do. 
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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tonight on the CW is the repeat of
The Vampire Diaries season premier (second season).  I missed it the first time around (& didn't dvr) so I am so glad to be able to catch it tonight (on as I type).

I LOVE this show... although it didn't start out that way.

You really got to watch:  first love, love triangle, drama, suspense, twists & surprises.  You'll love it too.
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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Have you seen the show Sister Wives?  It's a reality show on TLC about a man with 3 (I think) wives.  I haven't seen it (most likely won't) but just seeing the Sister Wives previews got me thinking... could I share my Gman with another woman?  Could I share him with two? 

I don't think so.  I don't think I could handle that.  There are just so many little moments that go into our relationship; I couldn't imagine sharing those with anyone else. 

I wouldn't want to share the inside jokes, sitting next to him on the couch, massages, spooning, on and on.... those are our special things.  Things that make our marriage special.

Now, maybe if I had a few husbands around I could spread out that Honey Please Do list... Hmmm
I wouldn't mind having one of these guys around.


Could you share your husband?

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I love Gman.  We've been together for almost 21 years; married for 16. 

The one thing I would like is for him to be a little more romantic.  Who am I kidding with the "little more".  He is NOT romantic at all.  I've told him many times I wish he would try to put in a little effort to do something sweet and romantic... but no.

I'm a pretty easy woman to please.  I don't whine about Valentine's Day, anniversaries or whatever.  I don't expect roses and diamonds at every turn.  But you know, I expected something different for my 40th birthday.  I expected the unexpected.  I wanted to be wowed and swept off my feet by his romantic gesture.

Instead I got a cake and a bag of Dove chocolates.  He then took me to pick out a laptop. 

No surprises.  No red ribbons.  No cards or letters written with words of love and romance.

I'm a little bummed.  The girlie girl inside me so wants to be romanced, wooed.

He's a good man.  A good father.  A good husband.  I'm lucky to have this wonderful man in my life.  So I won't bitch about it ....but still...

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Monday, October 11, 2010

Last week I turned 40.  Not really much to say about that.  I wasn't sad or depressed in any way. 

Actually, I found myself announcing it to everyone.  I also felt myself walking just a little bit taller... kinda tough to do since I'm only 4'11".

I also found myself not giving a shit about what anyone thinks.  I'm short.  I'm over weight.  I'm broke ...and I don't care. 

I love me, faults and all.  I'm no where near perfect but I'm no scumbag either.  I love me and if you don't like me I don't care.  Say it to my face.  Say it behind my back.  I just really don't care.

A friend asked me how I felt about turning 40.  I said, "I'm not dead so I'm pretty happy about it".  I guess that about sums it up.

I'm complicated.  I've had my share of difficulties.  I've had my share of blessings

I'm 40 and I couldn't be happier.

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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Too many young people killing themselves.  It's such a waste of of life. 

To them I say:  So your gay.  So your bullied.  So you feel you just can't face another day.  Well, you are not alone.  There are people who care.  There are people who have walked in your shoes.  Life is not all bad.  There will be good times.  There will also be the worst times ever.  DON'T GIVE UP!!!

Killing yourself is the easy way out.  It proves NOTHING.  It's cruel to those you leave behind.  It's cruel to those you love and who love you. 

Why do people feel the need to judge and hurt anyone who differs from them?  Whether the person is gay, a different color, dresses different... what gives ANYONE the right to judge?  

Those people loudly demonstrating their disapproval at a young man's funeral - SHAME ON YOU!!  Have some class, some empathy, some compassion.

For those who just can't stand someone's cloths, the color of their skin, the people they love...keep it to yourself.  Why waste your days being angry at total strangers?  You will never change them.  Your hate adds nothing good to this world.  It adds nothing good to your life.

Anger is contagious.  Hate is ugly.  

Releasing the anger and hate leaves more room in your heart for love and happiness. 

So live the life YOU want to live.  Love.  Be loved.  Be happy.

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Saturday, October 9, 2010

By the time I was 24 I was married with two boys.  So when my 25th birthday rolled around I was SO depressed.  I thought I had to know everything.

As a young cute girl, I was able to smile off my mistakes and all was forgiven.  Giving the boss a smile and a giggle would let me off the hook.  After all, I was just a young woman...the new chick on the block.  How was I to know that confidential fax would end up in the wrong hands.  (btw, that never happened, I'm just saying).

For me, 25 meant all that cutesy crap was over.  No more glossing over my mistakes.  I shouldn't even be making mistakes (big or small).  It was time to be serious.  It was time to be a grown up.

Boy was I so wrong!

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Friday, October 8, 2010

After being offline for some time, I'm finally back!  Wow, does the world feel smaller without the Internet at my fingertips.

It felt weird to have this running dialog in my head with nowhere to put those thoughts.  Sure, I've had journals for many years but after starting a blog it somehow feels strange to go back to pen and paper.

Thanks so much for staying with me and sending me prayers and good vibes.  It felt SO good reading through the many comments - thank you and thank you so much for continuing to read.  It means a lot to me.

     I'M BACK, BABY!!!!

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Thursday, September 2, 2010

I can never get through this without crying.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I started catching Joyce Meyer on TV - "Enjoying Everyday Life".  Yup, one of those "preachy people".  Still she isn't like one of those preachy people I had seen a bazillion years ago.

She is a great motivational speaker.  She uses humor and sometimes brutal honesty to let you know you're acting like an ass - but you're not alone.  She makes me really think about my life.  Watching her show makes my heart feel so good and at peace. 

I recommend this cd set by Joyce Meyer - "Mind, Mouth, Moods Attitudes".  It is full of great, great, great advice.

As my relationship with God grew, I decided I really needed to go to church.  I'd been to church before.  When my parents were together, we went to church every Sunday.  I sat, listened, believed but I did not have a relationship with God. 

Satan was at it again: 
  • I was sure to embarrass myself.
  • It was WAY to early to get up.
  • Could I even stay awake?
  • What if I did something wrong?
  • Everyone there would know it was my first time.
  • I would be so out of place.
  • All they wanted was money and I needed it more.
  • Organized religion is a scam.
Insecurity and all, off I went to church.  Nope, I didn't know what I was doing and I'm sure people were staring at my awkwardness.  But I didn't fall asleep and when I put money in that basket my heart felt so good.

I've learned many things.  Including, no matter the level of your spirituality, you are no better or worse than anyone.  Spiritual growth is exactly that - always growing.  It doesn't make you perfect and it doesn't make you without sin and it does not give you all the answers. 

Knowing God does bring you hope and peace when everything around you falls apart.

What brings you peace when everything in your life seems to be going wrong?

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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Here's yet another of my shameful and embarrassing confessions.  It's really hard to admit just how oblivious I was.  Just me in my own little world.  I hope it helps someone out there who may be feeling or thinking the same way I did.

Reading that book ("Lord, I Want to Be Whole" by Stormie Omartian) got me thinking maybe it was time for me to read the Bible.

Satan lies and puts doubts in your mind though.  He laid huge roadblocks before God's plan for me and I let him.  He made me believe there was no point to reading the Bible - like God really wrote the Bible - come on.  Anyway there would be time for that later - life was busy and I had a tightly packed schedule.  Even if I did read it I was too stupid to understand the words, the message, the meaning.  Did I really want to be one of those people?

I tried to push all doubts aside as I headed to Barnes & Noble.  On the way, I asked God to lead me down the right path.  I told Him (although He already knew) my fear of not wanting to read the Bible because I was afraid I wouldn't understand (let alone pronounce) what I was reading...would that make me evil? 

I was so overwhelmed!  Do you know how many Bibles there are?!  It was a super huge section.  As I walked down the rows of books (all the while asking God for guidance) a cover caught my eye.  This was the one.  I knew it.

Just reading the study information included taught me so much.  I didn't know the Bible was made up of books.  I didn't know the difference between the Old and New Testaments.  I didn't know about asking Jesus into my heart.  I learned I could talk to God continuously throughout the day without having to kneel, bow my head and close my eyes.  I learned the first 4 books of the New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) are called the Gospels.  (I always wondered what that meant)

Because I knew many stories from the Old Testament, I decided I would start at the New Testament.  You know, I couldn't pronounce all the words and I didn't understand some of the meaning.  Yet I didn't feel bad about it and I did not feel evil.

Reading the Gospels changed my life. 
Before reading I didn't know the difference between God and Jesus.  They were kinda both the same for me.  For the first time in my life, I felt close to Jesus.  For the first time I felt how powerful and intense His sacrifice.  I asked Jesus into my heart.

I also realized that reading the Bible isn't a one time thing.  I didn't read the Bible and poof all my questions were answered.  Every time I've read the Bible a new message reveals itself.  I believe that's God's way.  He's given me tons of advice and when I really need Him, he speaks to me through His word.

Reading the Bible didn't make my problems disappear always and forever.  Satan still leaves doubts, lies and roadblocks.  Only now I know how to fight back.  I don't shut God out anymore.  I try with all my might to keep a positive attitude.  Now, I believe in His love and know He is always with those who ask.

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Monday, August 30, 2010

Shortly after that meeting with Bill, we were at Walmart when I decided to wonder through the book section.  I wasn't really looking for anything specific.

As I scanned the books and titles, one book stood out:  "Lord, I Want to Be Whole" by Stormie Omartian.  If you know Stormie Omartian you know where this is heading.  I did not know Stormie Omartian so it meant nothing to me.

The book laid around the house for 3 or 4 months until I even opened it.  When I finally did start reading I was very disappointed - it was a religious book.  I had read the title but I thought it was more like - Man, I want to be whole.  I didn't think it was a religious book.  How could read this stuff when I
couldn't even tolerate
all those preachy people on TV?
Reluctantly I continued reading.  I was so surprised when I couldn't put it down.  I learned a lot about myself and realized there were so many things I was doing that were not good for my spiritual health.  Things I never thought of as harmful or a big deal whatsoever.

This book was full of great advice that didn't seem preachy at all: 

  • ...forgiveness doesn't make the other person right; it makes you free.
  • ... the state of your mind affects the state of your heart...
  • You will never find peace, restoration and wellness if you nurture a spirit of anger.
I then cleaned house.  I also started listening to Christian music and giving those "preachy people" a try.

Little by little, step by step, God was bringing me closer to Him and I was finding peace.

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Sunday, August 29, 2010

We all have times in our past that we are ashamed or embarrassed about.  This is one of those times for me.

I was forced to be an adult early in life.  I've been working every since the summer when I was 14.  From the time I was 16 my mother made me purchase my own cloths (including school cloths).  Shortly after I turned 18 (while just beginning my senior year of high school) I was out on my own.

I had our first son (M) three weeks before my 21st birthday.  At 23 I got married - I was four months pregnant with our second son (C).  I had him one month after I turned 24.  It was no secret I was a pregnant bride, everyone knew.  I always imagine everyone taking bets as we took our vows.  (Joke is on them)

I did everything so fast.  I also had a mini mid-life meltdown early.  I was only in my late 20's.  Those were rough times in our marriage, tough times in my life.

Although I had a full time job, I felt useless.  I felt I was losing myself.  I was no longer Mona, one fun awesome hilarious chick.  I was now Gman's wife and mother to M and C.  I felt so lost and Gman just did not understand.

I started drinking (a lot - migraines would soon stop that).  One day I bellied up to the bar to drink my sorrows away.  An older man (late 50's) was sitting a bar stool away from me with a friend.  We got to talking.  He said he and his wife were in town (from FL) to celebrate their anniversary with family.  He also told me he almost didn't marry because he was going to became a priest.

He asked me about my life and why I was there all by myself.  I told him some of my "stuff" (which I honestly can't remember any specifics).  He then told me he had once felt depressed and alone too.  He said he met a man then who counseled him and gave him something.  He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a rosery (similar to the one in the picture). 

He said he had been carrying it in his pocket for the last 20yrs and now he wanted me to have it.  I didn't want to take it but he put it in my hand, holding it with both his and closed my hand around the rosery.  He then told me there were answers but I would not find them sitting on that stool.  I cried, hugged him and left.

Although I never saw Bill again - I still remember his name - he changed my life.

I still carry that rosery with me, waiting for the time I can change a young person's life too.
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Saturday, August 28, 2010

If all goes well, I will be starting my 10th school year this fall.  Although I've held many positions throughout the years, I hope to return to my last position as the attendance clerk in our elementary building.

I will never have too many digits in my bank account working at the school but I have become rich in many other ways:

I've been able to get to know my boys' friends, their friends' parents and teachers.  I also hope I've brought a positive influence on our many students as well as a smile to my co-workers.

Because I only work 24 hrs a week, I'm also able to enjoy being a stay at home mom.  Having the summers off to dedicate to my family has been priceless.

The cons:  Because I only work 24 hrs a week, I have zero cash and I am unable to get my boys everything they need... or want.  I'm also unable to take some of the financial stress off Gman's plate.

I am a hard worker, dedicated and willing to do anything needed to get the job done.  I enjoy my job but after all these years, I'm losing hope that I will one day land a full time position.

God has a plan for all of us.  Although a full time job office job close to home would be my ideal, I'll face each day knowing I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.
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Friday, August 27, 2010

Originally written in June 2010 but never posted.

People should have to take parenting classes.  You need a degree/license/experience to do anything - except be a parent.  It's the most important job a person can do, yet any yahoo can bring as many little people into the world as they want.

I work at a school and I see A LOT of idiots.  We send home countless notes regarding school events.  Detailed notes sent home from the classroom and school office.  School news displayed on our website, marquee  and posted all over the building.

It never fails.  Some dumb ass is always calling and asking, "Is it a half day today?", "What time are the students dismissed?", my favorite, "When is the last day of school?".  IDIOTS!

On a Thursday we were dismissed at 11:30.  A kindergartner was not picked up so we called home.  Mom did not know it was a half day.  She then calls back because she cannot find her keys and can WE contact someone else to pick him up.  WTF!!  We should call?  Isn't she holding a phone?  Isn't she his mother?

We called several people.  Finally mom came (an hour later), running into the building, grabbing his backpack and rushing him out the door.  No thank you.  No sorry.  What a bitch!

So being in a bitchy mood myself, I called and left a sweet message on her phone reminding her that the next day (last day of school year) was also a half day and dismissal was at 11:30.

Friday came and would you believe it?  That bitch DID NOT pick up her son again!  This time the poor kid only waited for 30 minutes before a relative came for him.

My kids are teens and I still get freaked out if I don't know where they're at.  I just don't understand this laid back lack of concern some parents show their children.

Being a parent is the most important job I'll ever do.  From the very beginning I've done it with love, patience and pride.  It's more then feeding your kid and putting them to bed.  It's building a strong relationship with them and non-stop teaching, leading them down the right path to be kind respectful people.

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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Originally written in May, 26 2010 but never posted.  After reading this, I thought maybe I was being too harsh.  In light of a missing boy (also from a small town) I don't think we can ever be too careful with our children. 

The morning was looking great.... and then I went to work.  I hadn't even made it in the office when a parent stopped me in the hallway.  She asked if it was OK for her child to sit outside the office after school until she was able to pick him up a half hour later.

I explained that there isn't supervision at that time and it really wouldn't be a good idea.  She nodded her head as if in agreement but only really wanted to hear me say, "Yes". 

This shit just burns my ass!  Come on people!  I know you have to work.  I know it's important to you.  Now do YOU know you have to work?  Do YOU care about your child's safety?

Best outcome:  The kid remains seated in the hallway keeping himself busy but still practicing good school behavior.  Mom comes to pick him up.  All is well.  Everyone is safe and happy.

What could happen:  ANYTHING!  Kid runs the hallways, gets carried into the bathroom (we've heard stories), runs across the road, gets hit by a car, breaks a leg, gets kidnapped, gets bullied, blah, blah, blah, WHATEVER.  Bad Shit Happens! .... Fox News at 10:00.

I love how this bitchy mom turns the tables on ME.  Making like "oh, I'm so sorry to be such an inconvenience to you" and the whole - feel sorry for me because I'm a working mom and I just don't know what I'm going to do about Little Johnny after school...even though I've known my schedule for days.

I'm just so sick of people wanting everyone else to fix their lack of planning.  Make it work, People.  Get your shit together.  These are the people who worry about nothing because they know someone else will pick up the slack.  Someone will give Little Johnny a snack, pay for his lunch, give him yet another day to bring in that overdue paper, pay for his field trip, give him a ride to practice or the game.

For all you do to be helpful and kind, these are the first people to bitch about you when they don't get their way. 

I guess I care more about this kid's safety and well being then his mother does.  And don't give me that, "I'm a working mom" shit.  I'm a working mom too.  My kids were in good care.  They have their homework complete, notes signed, forms filled... whatever.  If something slips through the cracks I don't expect anyone to fix my problems.

I locked my keys in the car and made it work.  The day went on as normal and no one else was effected by my situation.

It's OK to ask for help, but fucking A, at least try to help yourself out first once in awhile.

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

OK, so you wouldn't know it by the title but I am the most optimistic person you'll ever meet.  When the shit hits the fan I'm always, "Things could have been worse".  I try to see situations from others' point of view.  I practice good manners and daily random acts of kindness. 

However.... there are many times I just want to tell that rude asshole where they can stick it!

So, to keep myself out of jail from beating the shit of some dumb ass mother fucker with zero common sense, I lay out my rants here.

How do you deal with your stress?

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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I've always told our boys I am their first teacher.  Actually, I haven't handed that job over to anyone (for more than a school year) as I am still teaching them.

Our most recent on going discussion is about random sex... well, sex in general: 

~  If a random girl is having sex with you she's obviously done this before with someone else, don't sleep with someone you don't know.  She can regret or perceive an act as rape - so again - make sure you have known her for some time.

~  No means NO.  Even if her body is saying maybe or heck yeah... If "No" or "Wait a minute" comes out of her mouth at any time - STOP even if she changes her mind.

~  Don't have sex with someone (especially for the first time) if she is under the influence - it's hard to tell (especially if you are under the influence) if she is a willing participant or if she'll even remember the next day.  You could be accused of a sex crime.
~  Wrap it up (use condoms) even if a girl says she's on the pill - you are responsible for you. 

~  If a girl becomes pregnant you need to respect and support her - no matter what her decision may be.  I too will be supportive. (although my wish would be to keep and raise the baby - even if I have to do it myself - I can't wait to be a grandmother).

~  When you take a girl out - you are responsible for getting her home safely (this also means safe from herself as well).

~  Most of all be a gentleman.  Be responsible.

These discussions have been uncomfortable for all of us but if I don't talk to them about these subjects who will?  No one on earth will ever care about their well being as much as I do so I need to have these discussions - no matter how uncomfortable... my boys are worth the embarrassment.
We are doing our best to raise the best young men possible.  They are fortunate to have many awesome men in their lives to look up to:  Gman, my dad, dad-in-law, JP, B (brother-in-law).  These are all such wonderful men, husbands, fathers.  I hope our boys will follow in their footsteps.

Monday, August 23, 2010

C will be getting his driver's license soon.  I don't know if my nerves can take it.  I still feel uneasy when M pulls out of the driveway.

The worst part is trying to give them advice:  "I know, Mom"; "I can take care of myself, Mom"; "I can handle it, Mom".  UGGGHHHH!!!!  It drives me nuts!  No, Son, you don't know.  You may be able to handle it but just take our advice will ya?

What is it about testosterone that makes them feel so damn invincible?

I've told these boys (too many times to count) we love them more that anything.  More than anyone on earth, we have their very best interest at heart.  With us there are zero ulterior motives.  All we wish for them is to be happy, healthy and at peace in their lives.

Yeah, go ahead and listen to friends.  Get their input/perspective on the given situation.  However, please keep in mind, we are the only ones who will ALWAYS be there for you no matter what.  The advice we give you is only to keep you safe from harm and bad choices.
Our boys take our advice as criticism but if we didn't care we wouldn't try so damn hard to keep them on the right path.  I just hope one day they will look back, know and feel 100% in their heart how much we love them.