Thursday, July 30, 2009

I took a nap yesterday and had another bad dream about my mother. I am always having bad dreams that she is trying to kill me. What the heck does that mean?
We haven't talked in years. Are my dreams trying to tell me something? Like maybe this relationship is not good for me.
It's not as if this was one bad dream either. I've had several dreams of her wanting to kill me. My last dream had her stomping on the gas and pushing me out of a truck. She then turned around and tried to run me over. I went running in the woods in the dark to get away from her.
Creepy huh?

I also have had several dreams of losing my teeth. It's always a different situation but still...losing teeth.
Why can't I have nice dreams of winning the lottery or something? What do you dream about?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I went to visit my dad who's been staying with my brother this week. After a nice visit I was pulling out of the drive. My brother lives on a busy country road where people drive at their own speed. The driveway is in the middle of a hill so you can't really tell if any cars are coming.

As I left my dad made his way to the end of the driveway to tell me when all was clear.

While driving away I could not help but smile. No matter how old or big I get, I will always be daddy's little girl and that feels good.

Please tell me I'm not the only nutjob.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

So I started getting everything ready to shampoo my bedroom carpet. I moved everything out of the way and vacuumed. I had just turned it off when my phone rang. It was my dad.

I hadn't seen him in a few years. He lives across the country and called to let me know he was at my brother's house five minutes away. He just wanted me to know he was on his way over. Gulp.

This is why I do not like surprise visits. Here I am, all my bedroom/bathroom furniture spread throughout the house. I'm wearing my comfortable yet not presentable stained and holey homewear. With vacuum in hand and jaw on the floor I explain to my dad I would have to see him later.

Although understanding he was disappointed. So, I decided to just hop in the shower and head over.

It was a nice visit (more later) but a VERY LONG day.

That To Do list for the week. Forget it. It's not going to happen now.

My family makes me feel demanding because I don't like these kinds of situations. I like at least a day's notice. Is that really too demanding? Really, I don't know. I want to know. Am I being rude?

Monday, July 27, 2009

As you know, I've been going through a ton of changes.

Payton, our 7 yr old doberman, had to be euthanised. The vet feels he had bone cancer. Although it did not show up on x-ray the blood work leaned that way.

The next day, our oldest set off on his road trip with two friends. They drove over 20 hrs to Florida. We still don't know how long he'll be staying there.

Our youngest wants to go out driving everyday. I'm not really ready for that. It feels as if we just finished doing this with our oldest.

Through all this, my husband and I forgot our anniversary on the 23rd. We've been married for 15 yrs.

We did everything backwards. We had babies and then we married. Now I wish I would have married him when he first asked. I was just too scared.

His parents are still married. Mine were divorced when I was seven. Their relationship was officially over when I was 16 and my mom got pregnant with another man's child.

My husband really changed me for the better. He made me more optimistic. He made me happier than I had ever been in my life. I am thankful for him everyday and everyday I let him know.

I'm also thankful for my mom-in-law. I hope I'm as good a mom as his mom. She made my husband the wonderful man, husband, father he is today. She's the best.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I need to start by saying I love my husband. I am very blessed. He doesn't abuse alcohol or drugs. He works hard. He is the best father and husband.

OK. You get it. I love him. He's a good guy. Blah, blah, blah. So what's my problem with him? He has a problem with me. I wish he had a little more faith in me. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm an idiot.

On the morning Payton was euthanized he puked three times in the house. It was all in the same area. I had scrubbed the areas and planned to shampoo later. Well, later ended up being today.

I set everything up and away I went. Only the machine wasn't sucking up any of the water. So as I'm messing with it hubby is telling me what I'm doing wrong. What I'M doing wrong. He hasn't even read the instructions! He has never used the thing. He has never even SEEN me use it. Yet he knows what I'm doing wrong.

I reminded him that I have cleaned all the carpets in the house without his supervision. I could clean this area just fine.

As I typed that last sentence I realized why he irritated me so much. It had nothing to do with thinking I was an idiot. It was all about that one area.

I think hubby knew that the whole time. That's why he didn't put me in my place when I got bitchy. I guess I'll go apologize now. Damn, he really is a good guy.

The original title to this post was: I still have a brain you know

Humm. Reminds me of this quote:

When you realize you've made a mistake,
make amends immediately.
It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
~Dan Heist

Friday, July 24, 2009

Originally posted 6/27/08 on myspace. It still holds true today.

1 - Be grateful for EVERYTHING in your life... the good, bad, ugly... find something to be grateful for. If you focus on the good things, you don't have time to think about the crap around you.

2 - Faith...when you hit that ugly, dark, bottom of the barrel you need something to pull you out. The Bible is that for me...New Testament...great stuff.

3 - One good, long cry never hurt anyone.

4 - One good, small cocktail never hurt anyone... but never put your drink together w/the long cry...they don't go well together.

Being positive isn't always easy to do but it really does make a big difference in how you start to feel inside....and again, New Testament - great stuff.

~
As I go about my day, I express my gratefulness to God. Thanking Him for everything. Even finding something good in a bad / painful situation to be grateful for.

Thank you, Lord for everything you have given me. Thank you for always watching over my family. Thank you for the love you fill my heart with each and every day.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I can always count on this kid to make me laugh:

So I took the boys to the dentist. The youngest (14) was finished first.
We talked while we waited. I have my craziest conversations with him. He cracks me up.

So as we sat there he whispers to me, "Why would anyone want to be a dentist?"


Me: "Yeah, I know. Staring at mouths all day. Kinda gross. That's why I brush, floss and rinse before I come here."


Him: "I don't. I want them to rethink their careers."

By the way, he did brush before we left the house.
So my 17 yr old & his friends will be driving the 20+ hrs to Florida. I have so many mixed feelings. I am happy for him. I want him to have a fun time with great memories. Mostly I want him and his friends to come home safe.

It does worry me to see my baby off in the big bad. I haven't shared those worries with him. I don't want him to feel my worry is a lack of confidence in him. I'm not worried about him doing the right thing. I'm worried about all the freaks out there.

I had the pit in my stomach on lockdown. I made a to do list to keep me busy. I thought all would be ok. Now with my Payton gone....

Is there a time limit for sadness? My husband thinks I should get over it. My youngest says he and I feel the most loss because we were around Payton the most.

Payton was supposed to help me through the empty nest thing.

I will "get over it". When? I don't know.
Once again the testosterone in the house is trying hard to stomp out my estrogen flare up.

I do take comfort that he is no longer in pain. Like the Quote of the Day says, I'm left with the beautiful scars of love. I find comfort in that too.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My Dear Payton,

I love you so much. I know you were in pain especially your last day here on earth. I know you are in a much better place now.

You changed my life. I never understood the love people have for their dogs. I never thought I would be one of THOSE people. I didn't want my house to smell like dog. I didn't want fur on my cloths. I didn't want anything to do with getting a puppy no matter how cute.

We met you at 4 wks old and brought you home at 8 wks. We were attached before we made it home. That dog smell. Who cares. Fur on my blouse. Whatever.

You loved me like no one else. I never annoyed you...much. You were ALWAYS by my side. So it was only right that I be next to yours as you took your last breath. I didn't want to be there but I had to... for you. I didn't want you to be afraid. I didn't want you to be alone. I don't think you wanted me to be alone either, as you never shut your eyes.

Now I sit in my room. For the first time in years by myself, without you by my side. Alone. You followed me everywhere and I feel that loss now. The tears have yet to stop. My eyes hot, stinging, red and puffy. No words left to say. Inconsolable. I love you, Payton.
I recently told a relative to check out my new blog and tell me what they thought. Response, "I don't get it. What's the point?"

I wanted to say the point was... then I went blank. What was the point?

The point is there are way too many changes in my life right now for me to handle. I have a 17 yr old starting college in the fall and a 14 yr old starting high school. My oldest is driving to Florida. My youngest wants to drive everyday. My dog is dying.

My boys are not small children asking me to read them a story. I'm feeling the sadness of that empty nest. I don't work during the summer and my mind is going crazy missing when my boys were small children playing with the dog in the backyard.

I need to do something for myself. Blogging is a way for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Instead of pen to paper it's fingers on keys. It's very therapeutic.

And why can't people be supportive? I'm supportive of others. I'm always trying to make others feel good about their day, lives, jobs, kids, themselves. So why do they make me the punching bag? Why is it ok for them to say rude uncaring things to me?

Family, co-workers, Wal-mart cashier, chick at the vet....rude, hurtful for no reason. I must have a sign on my forhead "It's ok to be an asshole to me I walk by faith".

FYI, I was not sucked into a confrontation with any of those people. I did not respond with my own bitchy rant. Does that make me a better person? No. I may unleash on someone tomorrow - nobody is perfect.

Update: Payton died later that day.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dating in the Dark is a tv dating show on ABC. Three couples date in the dark without seeing each other. I'm sure it would be embarrassing to participate but it's so funny to watch. I like that these people are ordinary people. They are not super beautiful/ugly, thin/fat. They are just normal people. I saw the first episode. I think I'll keep watching.
He got a call today regarding a job interview. I hope he gets the job and they want him to start asap. That's not too much to ask is it?

Two problems, one stone...he's been wanting a job and I get to keep him home. It will not break my heart if he can't go to Florida.

I know. I know. He needs to see the world blah, blah, blah. I'm doing my part. I'm letting him go. I'm not guilting him stay home. I'm giving him valuable on the road advice. It's gold, baby.


He will most likely have his road trip with his friends. I am happy for him. I hope he has a good time with great memories. I also hope he takes tons of pics.

I've made a To Do list to keep me busy while he's gone. But really, no list is going to help this mom stop the worry.

Monday, July 20, 2009

I've never been a Kiss fan. Never bought an album - yes, I'm that old. I'm not a hater either. I just didn't care either way.

I caught Gene Simmons Family Jewels on A&E so I watched. I LOVE HIM! I love him, his wife girlfriend, the kids, Shannon's sister...love them! He has tons of money, a beautiful home, lots of toys but NOTHING is more important to him than his family.

I've always told my kids that they are the most precious things in my life. From the first episode of Gene Simmons Family Jewels you get that if he had to choose, he'd give it all up for those kids. His wife would be right behind him. They seem like very good people with a crazy ass sense of humor.

His kids (son & daughter) went to Mexico. Nick (son) was 19 and wanted to prove that he could take care of himself and his sister (17/18). Shannon (mom) could not go with and Gene was out of town. As soon as Gene got news that his kids were in Mexico he got on a plane and "bumped" into them.

Why is he so concerned? There are camera people following them around. They would stand by and watch something terrible happen? I don't think so. He is just as protective as I am and he makes zero excuses about it.

People are always calling me overprotective. Yup. What about it? Why does it make for good tv when Gene Simmons is over protective? I want my own show too. I'm hilarious. I love my family. I'm just as protective of my kids as Gene Simmons.

I can see it now... Mom of Boys...no jewels - Mondays on Fox.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

It's pretty easy being a parent to our youngest son. No curve balls. I'm not new here you know. I've owned a 14 yr old before.

It's a little different with our oldest. I've never been a mom to a 17 yr old. It seemed as if, for awhile there, we were creating new rules everyday. I finally started feeling a little at ease. He knows when to call/text me, what time to be home, blah, blah, blah. Now he's thrown me...no stone here, but a huge honking boulder.

He and two friends want to take a road trip to Florida. That's over 20 hrs drive my friends.

I love him with all my heart. My boys are my everything. Having said that....
This kid is driving me NUTS! I am so stressed! My nerves are shot. My hair is falling out...not kidding. I'm getting zits...again no joke! He might as well pull my insides out and flush them down the toilet.

So now I'm pulling new rules out of my butt... Four boys need to go so two can sleep/two can drive. I need to know the boys going. I want cell numbers of boys. I want phone numbers of their parents. I want a map of the their route. I'm going to want calls, calls, calls.

There are more rules...I just don't know what they are at the moment.

I have given him all the tools he needs to make good decisions. I'm still going to worry. Why is it not ok for me to say that?

People think I'm a nut-job because I say I'm worried. I'm not worried about him or his friends doing the right thing. It's all those freaks out there who are one crime away from being on America's Most Wanted.

I just wish he wouldn't roll his eyes at me all the damn time. I mean, I trying here you know. I'm giving him room to learn, grow, fly...but I'm freaking out here!

I know I'm missing more rules.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

I want to drink more water. I've gone through phases when all I'm drinking is water. I feel best when I can get in 90 - 100 oz. I'm also urinating every five minutes.

I feel guilty every time I buy a bottle of water. I recycle but I still feel shame. My husband thinks I'm nuts for buying water when the tap gives it to us for free. It makes sense but I just can't do it. So as with most things, he and I compromised. He bought me a Brita Pitcher & Dispenser Water Filtration System - classic pitcher - and told me to stop buying water.

I did not think Brita could do the job. I was not happy but whatever. It was only 13 bucks.
It was a pain in the ass to even get it out of the package. The directions are numbered in five easy steps...with more reading. Brita sat on the counter for a few days.

After finding my patience, I read through the directions and filled up Brita. Love it! The other nut jobs in the family love it too. The only problem is you have to keep the filter wet - which takes up room from the pitcher.
It seems as I'm always filling that thing up. I will be getting another Brita - probably a Brita Grand or Brita Vintage. I don't know anyone who has the dispenser. I'm not sure if I want to mess with filling that thing up and shoving that in the fridge.

For flavored water, use an ice tray to freeze lemon, lime or watermelon juice. I have found a great water bottle by Rubbermade. It's made of the right kind of plastic and everything. I ended up buying another one, I loved it so much. Yeah, I'm pretty much easy to please.

Brita does make it better.

Friday, July 17, 2009

I am so sick of people telling me I need to stop being so overprotective. I tell NO ONE how to parent. So why do people think it's ok to criticize my parenting.
I don't want to run down the list of awards and recognition my boys have received...let's just say they have themselves together. Those awards should have our names in the fine print because we are damn good people and caring parents.
I am dealing with my children growing up and moving on as best I can, thank you very much. I don't guilt them to stay home. I have told my oldest he needs to stay home because he's only 17. I don't want him to put pressure on himself to quickly move out. I never said he could NEVER move out - not seriously anyway.
I am protective. Why is that such a bad thing? I should let my sons come and go as they please without knowing their friends or what their up to? Yeah, and then they hold up a Speedway and kill the clerk. That's when CNN asks, "And, where were the parents?"
My boys would never do that? I'm exaggerating? Well someone's kids are doing it. Maybe the reason it's not our sons is because I am protective.
I do ask ALL the questions. I even ask for friends' cell numbers. When my oldest drove with another student to a neighboring state for volunteer work, I even asked for that student's home number and parents cell number. Over protective maybe but if they were robbing a bank, I'd be able to get in touch with the other kid's parents.
If CNN ever does call, I'll tell them to shove it too.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I am surrounded by testosterone. My husband, the boys even the dog.

The husband and the boys I wanted, the dog not so much. My husband is the one who wanted him. "The boys have to grow up with a dog," he said. So after much conversation and research we decided on a Doberman.

On the way home from picking up the new pup, I drove home. I would distance myself from the get go. I was NOT going to take care of it. He wanted the dog for the boys so he and the boys would be 100% responsible.

You know what's coming right?

My plan didn't last long. He would not stop crying until I put my hand on him (in the backseat) while I drove. That night he cried. I woke up, put him on my chest and comforted him. It felt as if I was back in time nursing my infant in the middle of the night. It was the same the next two nights but that really didn't matter. After that first night I was in love.

Seven years later, he follows me everywhere. He sleeps at the foot or side of my bed. He is the best company. He'll watch whatever I want. He never picks on me when I'm "acting like a girl" or being "over emotional". He is the first one to show sympathy when my estrogen starts acting up. Believe me the rest of them are happy about that one.

Now my Dobe is sick. I took him to the vet. I bawled the whole time I was there. I think I freaked out...well, everyone there. It has kinda surprised me how much I've been falling apart. I know I love him. I guess I didn't know how much. It just hurts to see him so miserable.

The boys used to ask who was in charge of the dog in case of fire/tornado. Joking I would say he is. He needs to follow quickly or get left behind. We would not wait for him and NO ONE was to go back for the dog.

The vet thinks it may be bone cancer. She kept him over night last night. She wants him again today. I miss him so much. I've had my husband in the hospital and both my boys had surgery. That pit in my stomach is back. It won't go away until he's home.

He needs to come home. Someone go back for the dog! My estrogen is acting up again!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I'm a lot like my grandmother (dad's mom). She loves with all her heart but she's also a hard ass. She had 14 kids so she had to be. Her dishes are done, carpets are vacuumed, things are clean but she's also a pack rat. There are piles of stuff here, there, book shelf is full of a little of everything. That's me.

One thing I can't get over is being a germ-a-phobe. I was cleaning everything with Clorox Wipes: door knobs, counters, stovetop, faucets, fridge handle, keyboard, mouse, toilet handles. I would then spray the air with Lysol.

I've found that by taking baby steps to go green I can save money too. I've now been making my own cleaning solution to take the place of my Clorox Wipes. I found this online: Fill 1/4 of a spray bottle with vinegar and the rest with water. I add a squirt of Dawn Dish soap. The vinegar smell takes some getting used to but as soon as it dries the smell is gone.

There are many benefits to using vinegar. Vinegar is very inexpensive. I buy large bottles at the Dollar Store for 75 cents. It is a natural disinfectant. Bugs hate the taste. Leave an open bowl with vinegar on counter overnight to freshen the air. I also clean mirrors and windows with the same bottle. LOVE IT!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

FYI, I had our oldest three weeks before I turned 21. It could have been much earlier as no one ever had "the talk" with me. (God has always been with me even when I didn't know Him) I set rules for myself and was successful at keeping them. Btw, although I wanted to have children young (after 21) I really didn't know how young.

When should you have "the talk"? We never had "the talk". We've had several talks from the get go. We used proper names for body parts. We answered questions as they came up as honestly as possible - you don't want to freak out a five year old you know. You also don't want to bore them - they don't care about your tubes.

We had the stinky pit talk. What changes to expect and it was ok to feel weird about it all. I also encouraged them to talk to one of us with any concerns about what was "normal".

Which "side" would I teach - safe sex/wait for marriage? After much conversation with God, I decided to encourage the following:

  • Not to rush into sex just because everyone else is active.
  • Oral sex (giving or receiving) is still sex - and at risk for disease.
  • Do not "hook up" (teen talk for sex) with random girls - if she can do that with you, how many other times has she done this?
  • Wrap it up - you could get something you can't get rid of and bring disease to your future wife.
  • Wrap it up - even if she say's it's ok, she's covered (she could lie) - you are responsible for you.
  • Wrap it up - you don't need to put yourselves in a place to make hard decisions if she became pregnant.

Yes, It was I who did all the talking while hubby sat nodding his head. I told my son that as much as he was embarrassed by the words that were coming out of my mouth - I was just as traumatized.... and I would have to say it again to his brother.

I have been over these subjects many times. I mean I had to tell Hubby a zillion times before he finally got that toilet seat thing down so I figure I better keep reminding his mini yeahoos. I think it's something in the testosterone.

Must see..."16 and Pregnant". It's a series on MTV. It follows a young pregnant girl around. It doesn't glorify teen pregnancy or discourage (purposely).
It seems an honest window in time. Showing both the optimism and excitement of being a new mom and the harsh reality that is the hardest, thankless job any woman (or man for that matter) can have.

Glitter Graphics - GlitterLive.com

Monday, July 13, 2009

I always have these funky, weird dreams. I've dreamt of pirates, my cousin getting sucked into a excalator while we were on a scavenger hunt, my mother killing me and the ones I really dislike - my teeth falling out.

I scared C a couple of weeks ago by screaming in my sleep. Gman and C tried to wake me up but I kept screaming. C even turned on the light - no luck. Nuts, huh?

Although I did not remember any of that, I did remember my dream. Yeah, it was violent.

Last night I woke myself up. How? Singing - Jeremy Camp's "I Still Believe". Man I was loud too. I can't believe the husband didn't wake up with that one... I DO NOT sing good AT ALL. Because of my compassion
for others, I only sing in the privacy of my own vehicle or bedroom. As much as my Dobe loves me, he will get up and leave the room.

So since you can't "hear me". I'll sing..... "Even when I don't see.... I still believe".

myspace graphics

Sunday, July 12, 2009


We create a lot spillage here. It can't be avoided. Between my husband, the boys, their friends and the dog, our carpets were looking gross. Really, what the heck is that? I don't think I want to know.


I did some research and it came down to two cleaners - a Bissell and a Hoover. There were pros and cons for each.

I don't work during the summer so I have to make my last paycheck s-t-r-e-t-c-h until the fall. Only if I were to wait til the fall I wouldn't have time to clean the carpets. So I sucked it up and last week I purchased my very first carpet cleaner.

I bought the Hoover Steam Vac (Silver Carpet Cleaner). Model #F5915900 - $149.83 from Walmart. I don't do Walmart (another story) but no one could beat the price. I decided on the Hoover only because I've had my Hoover vacuum for almost 10 years and (knock on wood) she's still a going strong.

The cashier was rude...I don't know why, she did NOTHING. My kid loaded up the large box. I did the self-checkout thing. I only asked if she could open the box so I could make sure it was well packaged because it looked as if the box (it was the last one) had been re-taped. I ended up taking a pen and doing it myself. Just another reason I don't like Walmart.

Cons: made of very cheap plastic so you need to handle with care. It does not come with the tool to clean the front of the machine which makes it a little tougher to clean.

Pros: good directions, upholstery tool and storage (I haven't used this yet), surge button, 2 brush speeds - or turn off, cleans bare floors, has a very long cord.

I've been cleaning the carpet in the morning (while the boys are still in bed) and by 2:00/3:00 the carpet is dry and I'm able to put the room back together. The cleaning itself isn't hard but it ain't napping either. I'm a big chick so this is a workout.

I love this machine. It was well worth all the work. Check out that nasty water. YUCK!!! Yes, I am so embarrassed!

When I finished I took a look around. It was so satisfying to see my clean carpet. It looked good. It smelled good. I just stood, looking, enjoying it all.

Then my youngest walked out of his room, walked on my still wet carpet and popped a bag of popcorn. Really? I hadn't even started to clean up the machine. Things don't stay clean long around here but that has to be a record.

Saturday, July 11, 2009


Always when I think, "Ok, things aren't great but they're not horrible", I'm tested. So now my doberman is in not so great health. He's only seven but he seems an old man. He walks, lays down even wags his little tail a lot slower than he did just last month.

I've been so focused on how I was going to feel and deal with the boys eventually moving on and out; I never even considered my other son not being around...at all.

My husband wore me down until I finally said ok let's get a dog. He wanted a rot, shepard or doberman. UUUGGGHHH! Small dogs were annoying and big dogs frightened the hooha out of me. And a doberman. Forget about that one. I like my face just fine, thank you. After doing some research I decided to give in to getting a puppy but I was NOT going to be caring for this thing. This was my husband's project.

Well....what can I say. I love that dog so very much. He is momma's puppy. He follows me from one room to the other. If I'm in a particular rush he'll look at me like, "Please, Mom will you just pick a room already". Even now, if I come home and go straight to the bathroom he will whine outside my door because I didn't greet him first.

I started crying at the thought that would not leave my mind. What will I do without him? He drives me crazy! He had his first accident (since being a pup) in the house - at 3am no less. (That's another story) But I love my furry friend, protector, son. Although I've never heard him say one would, a million words and emotions have passed between us with just a look.

Friday, July 10, 2009


The following was originally posted on 9/16/08 on myspace. This is really for me. I was having a negative day...make that week so anyway I really needed to remind myself that things could be worse so stop complaining. Enjoy. ~


I consider myself a pretty optimistic person. Don't get me wrong. I cry. I get upset/depressed/angry. But for the most part, I try to focus on all the good things in my life. This is a constant thing for me as I go about each day…..

I woke up late….good thing I took a shower yesterday.
Traffic is slow…at least my vehicle is in good condition.
My job is trying…but I have a job.
Our dishwasher is broken…but I can wash dishes by hand.
We're way broke….but we have each other.
Our living room t.v. is slowly dying….but we have one in our bedroom.
My home is a mess at the moment….but I have a home.
My husband had major surgery & huge scar….but he's alive.
My son got into a car accident (X's 2)…but no one was hurt.
A "friend" really fucked me over….but at least they're out of my life.
Someone I loved died….but I was able to know them, love them, remember them.

When you focus on the positive things in your life, you don't have time to be depressed about all the things that are falling apart.

In other words…
You can't pick up roses if your hands are holding shit.

So, what are you holding?



Thursday, July 9, 2009

The best thing I’ve ever done with my life is to be a wife and mother to our two boys. All the pretty pictures pass through my mind…the breastfeeding, crawling, walking, first day of school…. Then BOOM! Our oldest is walking up to the podium to give his valedictorian speech. AND BAM! Our youngest is “graduating” from 8th grade.

"M" (oldest) wanted to move out right after graduation. Lucky for me he is only 17 so I told him I would not allow him to leave until he was 18…pretty tricky huh? He will be 18 in September and I don’t know what he’ll be doing then. Truth be told I’m afraid to ask him. So instead I’ve been preparing myself for the time (whenever) he’ll be leaving home. Giving myself pep talks of how he’ll be ok, I’ll be ok, everything is ok.

"C" (14) will be a freshman and starting drivers training this fall. Just in time for us to do this high school thing all over again. I don’t know if my emotional state can handle another kid out on that road alone. If you haven’t experienced it yet, let me just tell you – your stomach will fall out of your butt each time your kid pulls out of the driveway.

Changes come and go whether we like them or not. Starting this blog is a way for me to cope with the empty nest that I DO NOT want to think about. I’m thinking if I can just focus my energy on other things I will find the woman I used to be before the husband and kids came along. She was ok. I kinda liked her. I just hope she’s not too pissed at me for not being able to hang out for so long.

Married mother of two teen boys meet Mona. She’s one kick ass chick.