Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Back To Good?

Things have been just nuts...one thing after another. Yesterday was a very emotional day. Actually, it's been an emotional roller coaster since... well, I don't know how long. (Have I mentioned I don't like roller coasters?)

I felt slowly but surly things would get back to normal. Whatever "normal" is... it's been so long, I just don't know anymore. I had a good visit with my father. We rescued Cooper. Our oldest was finally safe at home after being across the country for over a week. Hubby, our youngest and I had a pretty good week. Hubby was on vacation and although we didn't go anywhere special, we were happy together.

Then the past few days all shit started braking loose. My father went back home without even saying goodbye. (still have to find out what that was about) Our oldest came home with major attitude. Our youngest got an ear infection and was in constant pain. Cooper bit our youngest and went back and forth from being sweet to growling and snapping. Hubby had enough with the arrogance
of the oldest and told him to knock it off. (Hubby is VERY laid back. It takes a lot to get him pissed.) I got upset with the disrespectful way the oldest was being and had a HUGE blowup telling him so.

Early yesterday afternoon I decided to get out for a bit and take Cooper to get gas in the car. After paying for the gas, I went to get into the car and Cooper starts growling at me. WTF! Doesn't this dog know all we want is to give him love, comfort, a home, a family? That was it. I had made too many excuses for him. I realized that this situation was not good for him or our family. We needed to take him back.

Our youngest was so hurt. He knew the dog couldn't stay with us but he didn't want to send him back to the SPCA. (Although our youngest holds his emotions close he is very sensitive.)

I felt all eyes on me as Cooper and I stepped into the office. I felt like a failure. Why couldn't we make this work? All this little dog needed was more time, love, security. He was so sweet as we walked in, wagging his little tail and I swear that dog was smiling, happy to be back "home".

Yesterday was awful! It was full of yelling and crying. I cried for Cooper. I cried for Payton. I cried for our boys. I cried for our family. I cried and cried and cried.

Although I didn't know it yesterday, I feel it today...it was the right decision. We're not ready for another dog. We need a puppy. A puppy with a clean slate who can get to know us and we him/her. There will NEVER be another Payton. We are all one of a kind. I still hope that we can find that furry friend for our family and I'll wait until I find those eyes I just can't walk away from.

I have always talked of gratefulness, God's Will and tomorrow being a new day to start fresh. This may have finally stuck to the boys. This morning they both did their chores without a reminder. We had a good breakfast and everyone picked up after themselves. No arguments. No back talk. No rolling of the eyes.

Today there was no more talk of yesterday...that will only lead to more arguments. We will talk with love and leave the yelling for football season.
Today has been as normal as things have been for a very long time....and I'll take it.

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