I recently told a relative to check out my new blog and tell me what they thought. Response, "I don't get it. What's the point?"
I wanted to say the point was... then I went blank. What was the point?
The point is there are way too many changes in my life right now for me to handle. I have a 17 yr old starting college in the fall and a 14 yr old starting high school. My oldest is driving to Florida. My youngest wants to drive everyday. My dog is dying.
My boys are not small children asking me to read them a story. I'm feeling the sadness of that empty nest. I don't work during the summer and my mind is going crazy missing when my boys were small children playing with the dog in the backyard.
I need to do something for myself. Blogging is a way for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Instead of pen to paper it's fingers on keys. It's very therapeutic.
And why can't people be supportive? I'm supportive of others. I'm always trying to make others feel good about their day, lives, jobs, kids, themselves. So why do they make me the punching bag? Why is it ok for them to say rude uncaring things to me?
Family, co-workers, Wal-mart cashier, chick at the vet....rude, hurtful for no reason. I must have a sign on my forhead "It's ok to be an asshole to me I walk by faith".
FYI, I was not sucked into a confrontation with any of those people. I did not respond with my own bitchy rant. Does that make me a better person? No. I may unleash on someone tomorrow - nobody is perfect.
Update: Payton died later that day.