Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Inconsolable

My Dear Payton,

I love you so much. I know you were in pain especially your last day here on earth. I know you are in a much better place now.

You changed my life. I never understood the love people have for their dogs. I never thought I would be one of THOSE people. I didn't want my house to smell like dog. I didn't want fur on my cloths. I didn't want anything to do with getting a puppy no matter how cute.

We met you at 4 wks old and brought you home at 8 wks. We were attached before we made it home. That dog smell. Who cares. Fur on my blouse. Whatever.

You loved me like no one else. I never annoyed you...much. You were ALWAYS by my side. So it was only right that I be next to yours as you took your last breath. I didn't want to be there but I had to... for you. I didn't want you to be afraid. I didn't want you to be alone. I don't think you wanted me to be alone either, as you never shut your eyes.

Now I sit in my room. For the first time in years by myself, without you by my side. Alone. You followed me everywhere and I feel that loss now. The tears have yet to stop. My eyes hot, stinging, red and puffy. No words left to say. Inconsolable. I love you, Payton.

2 Friends Commented:

Laanykidsmom said...

So sorry to read this. He must have been your best friend. I hope you can find some comfort in the good times you had with him.

M. Scott said...

I just happened upon your blog and saw this posting. I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. I had a cat for 18 years and it was really hard to say good-bye to her. I've had my dog now going on 11 years and I know it will be awful when I have to say good-bye to her too. A dog is such a special friend. I'm thinking of you as you miss Payton. There is a poem that helped me when my cat died - I'm sure you can find it online, called "The Rainbow Bridge." (I'm not sure I agree with the theology, but it made me feel better.)