Thursday, July 23, 2009

Changes

So my 17 yr old & his friends will be driving the 20+ hrs to Florida. I have so many mixed feelings. I am happy for him. I want him to have a fun time with great memories. Mostly I want him and his friends to come home safe.

It does worry me to see my baby off in the big bad. I haven't shared those worries with him. I don't want him to feel my worry is a lack of confidence in him. I'm not worried about him doing the right thing. I'm worried about all the freaks out there.

I had the pit in my stomach on lockdown. I made a to do list to keep me busy. I thought all would be ok. Now with my Payton gone....

Is there a time limit for sadness? My husband thinks I should get over it. My youngest says he and I feel the most loss because we were around Payton the most.

Payton was supposed to help me through the empty nest thing.

I will "get over it". When? I don't know.
Once again the testosterone in the house is trying hard to stomp out my estrogen flare up.

I do take comfort that he is no longer in pain. Like the Quote of the Day says, I'm left with the beautiful scars of love. I find comfort in that too.

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