Sunday, June 18, 2017

Whether we were living as a family with both parents or my mother was raising us alone; we always had what we needed.  Our home was always clean…immaculate actually.  We were always clean.  Our clothes from garage sales or hand-me-downs always clean with all holes mended and unseen.  We never went out to eat but somehow that was never missed.  My mother could make a full meal out of nothing.

We were healthy.  My mother made sure we went to the dentist and doctors.  She sent us to school with breakfast in our bellies.  Dinner was shortly after we came home from school, no later than 4:30.  Maybe fruit for a snack later but that was it.  We did not get in the fridge without asking Mom first. Kitchen was clean and would stay that way until morning…. Not a single dirty dish in the sink. 

Her obsession with cleanliness went a bit overboard.  We couldn’t eat or drink anything unless it was at the table.  Cuddle with a blanket in the living room… no way.  Popcorn with a movie?  Don’t even think about it.
We never went on vacations.  That was our life.  Although, we had less than others we did have clean clothes, clean home, food and family. 

I felt loved then.  When she was my mother.

Monday, June 5, 2017

My mother told me stories of how my grandfather was extremely strict.  He never let his kids date.  When they left the house it had to be with another sibling.  There are eight of them altogether.

My mother met my father when they were teenagers.  She said he was very handsome and she was surprised when he showed interest in her and not one of her sisters.  They talked, flirted and she would later sneak out at night to see him.

Although she liked him she had no idea he was going to ask her father for permission for her to marry him.  She was both excited to be out of the house but pressured that she had no say in accepting the marriage proposal.  She didn’t pick the guy, the dress or even the day.  (Friday the 13th, while she was on her period)

At eighteen, she stopped going to school and became a housewife.  My father joined the Marines and they moved around a lot.  I think my mother found it all exciting at first.  How could she not?  Her father was strict and she finally had a bathroom basically all to herself.  Then she found out she was going to have me.  Another decision she had no say about.

There were more than a few mishaps – I swallowed a necklace, coins, tumbled down a hill while in my walker, etc. – but I was a happy, healthy, loved little girl.My parents had a hard time staying together and there was some drinking, yelling, slamming doors.  I think it was because they were both so young facing grown up responsibilities.  Neither of them right or wrong.  Just young and immature.  Not in a bad way.  Just reality. 

Looking at it all with adult eyes, I see my father as a young man with so many responsibilities.  My mother didn’t work (his choice from what my mother told me).  Then there was me.  Very scary for a young man.

Then there was my mother.  Her whole life up to that point was not her own.  Her father made all her decisions.  Just when she finally had freedom, I came along.  She didn’t want to get married and I don’t believe she wanted a baby… at least not so soon. 

Maybe that’s why I never felt as if she loved me. 

Monday, January 23, 2017

First let me say I am writing this as a record/reminder of what I did/am doing to lose weight.  I am in NO way suggesting/advising anyone to follow my weight loss routine/tips/etc.

I know the do’s and don’t’s of losing weight the healthy way.  I’ve done it.  Had some success.  It was just very crushing to eat nothing and workout like crazy only to lose ½ a pound.  So…I fell off the wagon for about 2 years.

When I hit my top weight (last November)  I nearly shit myself!  (Not ready to share that number yet).

I started making small changes.  I didn’t do the following all at once.  It came little by little as I felt comfortable.  I have no idea how long it took as I wasn’t keeping track (thus this reminder).
  1. Stopped beating myself up.  I’m going to eat whatever I want as much as I want.  No guilt. 
  2. Only eat between noon and 7pm.
    I now try to eat large portions before 5pm/6pm.  Small snack until 7pm.
  3. Stopped drinking my calories.  Now drinking only water.
    I used Mio drops.  Now I use cucumber.
  4. Cut the fast food.
    By the time I reached this point the decision was pretty easy.  I have had Little Caesars twice.
    Again, not going to beat myself up.  Fast food is not gone forever.  I’m just choosing not to have it 1-2 times a day.  I gave up McDonalds two years ago because of a nasty manager.  Wendy’s was my favorite.
  5. Cut the sugary snacks.
    This wasn’t really hard for me. I’m not a cookies, cake, candy kinda gal unless it’s within reach.  Because I am a compulsive eater. 
  6. No junk food in the house.
    When getting groceries I skip the juice/pop, chips, ice cream isles.  Produce first.
  7. Apple Cider Vinegar.  2 tablespoons in glass of water twice a day before meals.
    A cashier told me about this when she noticed I was purchasing.  I also had honey and she advised me that I was getting the wrong kind.  I didn’t know what she was talking about.  Honey was for tea and vinegar skin tags.  I looked it up and gave it a try, without the honey.
  8. Green Tea.
    Drink 1-2 cups of hot green tea (with tablespoon honey) every night.
  9. Greatly Decreased Salt Usage. 
    Now use Mrs. Dash and other herbs.
  10. Water.
    Glass of water before meals.  I’m working on this one.
  11. Water.
    Working on getting 100oz of water in each day.
While doing some research on weight loss tips I ran across something called Intermittent Fasting.  Turns out that’s close to what I’ve been doing without knowing. 

What’s next?
Healthy Recipes
Meal Planning
Slow down with the Cheese
Exercise